Break Free.

Speaking out about your anxiety, depression, or other mental illness is frightening. It’s humiliating. We don’t want to look weak. Or weird. Or crazy. People will look at us funny. Think we are nuts. Put us in a mental hospital. Think we are broken. But aren’t we? Aren’t we all broken? Isn’t that why Jesus Christ died on the cross - because we are so messed up we don’t even know how messed up we are (Jeremiah 17:9)? Ya’ll - It’s time we got a grip. The very thing that keeps people from accepting Jesus as their Savior is keep you from getting the healing you desperately need: Pride. Admitting you need help. You don’t have it all together. And maybe you can readily admit that: “I don’t have it all together.” But what about that insecurity that is crippling you? What about that exhaustion that won’t go away no matter how much you sleep? What about that sadness that keeps creeping in for no reason? What about your thoughts that you can’t quiet down? What about the fear that keeps you awake at night? What about the incessant control you demand to have? What about the people you are sucking dry because of your identity issues? What about your need for perfection that is debilitating you? What about it? Why can’t you face it? Why can’t you speak out about it? Why not?

We have to fight. Listen to me, I’m pleading with you. This isn’t going away. It’s just not. And it’s going to strain your marriage, damage your kids, mess with your job, and leave you lonely. It will eat you alive. I promise I’m not trying to be Debbie Downer here. But we can’t keep thinking these things will deal with themselves. That’s what Satan wants you to believe. But you have to realize he is out to destroy you.

In the world we live in, people say it’s brave to give in to whatever leanings they have. When we give in, we give up the abundant life God promises those who trust Him. We can’t keep giving in to our anxiety, depression, and personality disorders. We have to stand up. That’s where true courage lies: With those who say, “Enough! I am going to stop the cycle. I am going to fight for my spouse, my kids, my job, my friends. I am going to fight so I can be a testament to the grace of Jesus. The power of Jesus. If He can heal me, He can heal you.”

I speak openly about my anxiety, depression, and personality disorder because I want people to know that it isn’t an easy fight, but oh so worth it!!! When I was diagnosed with these mental illnesses several years ago, I was so discouraged. But then my counselor helped me to see how strong Jesus’s grace was in me. He had preserved me from some terrible decisions that could have destroyed my life. And while I battled with suicidal thoughts and nearly dissolved my marriage, God’s unconditional love and forgiveness chased me down until I couldn’t fight Him anymore and I finally surrendered. I surrendered to His love: The Love I was so desperate to feel. He met me face down in the dark. Alone. Scared. Hurting. Desperate. And that’s when Grace took over and healed me. It was a long road. And sometimes still is. But I wouldn’t trade the healing I’ve received from the hand of God for anything.

Why are you living this way? Why so trapped? Why so scared? Why so hindered? Why in such bondage? Break. Free. Jesus wants to heal you, but He opposes the proud. He will fight you if you fight seeking the help you need. The healing only He can provide. So step out in faith. I promise you the freedom you will receive will be worth more than the momentary humiliation you may feel.

Break. Free.

Jehovah El Roi: The God Who Sees

During those many days the king of Egypt died, and the people of Israel groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help. Their cry for rescue from slavery came up to God. And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob.

God saw the people of Israel—and God knew. 

Do you feel like the walls are caving in and God's just watching? Like, He doesn't really see you? Do you wish He'd move in faster and rescue you? Do you think He doesn't know the pain you are feeling? Do you feel utterly and completely abandoned and ignored by God Himself?

I truly believe abandonment is the worst, most hopeless feeling ever. And Satan will do whatever he can to get you there. Because if he can get you to believe that God isn't really for you or even likes you, then Satan's got you. He can destroy your life. And he will.

I can't help but think of the story of Hagar. Sarah was not getting pregnant, after being promised by God that she would, and grew impatient and I believe even more ashamed than she already was. I mean...really think about this: We (well us women) either have experienced this or know someone who has. We've tried and tried and tried some more to get pregnant. We use charts, graphs, sticks, and everything else. Our friend tries once and BOOM. And she didn't even want to get pregnant. It's tough. It's infuriating. It's embarrassing. It's humiliating.

Now couple those emotions with the fact that Sarah had probably come to terms with the fact that she was barren. Then God promises children...thousands and thousands of children. I'm sure Sarah told everyone. And if she didn't, she kept it to herself but couldn't wait to get her dignity back. But it didn't happen right away. In fact it didn't happen for years. And years.

So, she rushed the hand of God and gave Hagar to Abraham in hopes that she would give him a son. As you can imagine, this didn't go well for Hagar when she did in fact bare a son...after one "try". Sarah, who was already marginalized, defeated, depressed, and discarded by her society, cannot handle it. And she takes out her hurt and anger on Hagar by abusing her. So Hagar flees.

That's when God met Hagar. He found her alone, pregnant, scared, insecure, and helpless. He spoke His promises over her life. And she was never the same.

She answered God by name, praying to the God who spoke to her,

“You’re the God who sees me!

“Yes! He saw me; and then I saw him!”

My heart is breaking because I know people need to hear this...God sees YOU. And He knows. He knows the pain you are feeling. He sees what's been done. He sees. He knows.

And He's coming for you. Just wait. Your Rescuer is on His way.

The passages of Scripture are taking from Exodus 2 and Genesis 16.

Just a Season

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."

- Ecclesiastes 3:1

Just a season. This too shall pass.

I am going to tell you, some days I cling to those 7 powerful words. Don't you? Some seasons in our lives just suck. There's no other way to put it.

• You are struggling with grades, friends, identity, you name it - in high school. Yeah. Those four years are rough. Awful sometimes. It's a season. Hang in there. I promise, the best is yet to come. Dig your roots down deep in your youth group. If you don't have one, find one. Probably some of the most influential people in my life were my mentors in high school. They don't know it, but I think of them often and remember that during that time, they were my lifelines.
• You are 21 and still single. Seems like a lifetime, doesn't it? Been there. In fact, I was 23 when I met Bryant (or 24...I can't remember and I am terrible at simple math). When I graduated from college, I had only had one official boyfriend (a few "going steadies" in between) and most of my friends were already married with a child and number two on the way. No lie. I felt like the Apostle Paul: I had the gift of celibacy. When I moved to Florida, I was so lonely at times. I second guessed my personality, looks, you name it. And what's funny? I was only 23. If you are in this boat, I am not patronizing you. I get it. But it's a season. Just a season. Fill your single years with as much as you can. Start pursuing your dreams. Take a chance. I moved down to Florida from New York and took a job at a respectable school when I was only 22 and after a pretty severe breakup. I was scared to death. Best decision I made. Cause then I met Bryant...on a blind date...and the rest is history :)
• You are recently married and facing marital trouble. Been there. Our first year was no picnic. And don't roll your eyes at me! When we actually start telling our story, you will probably be shocked. It was awful. But it was a season. We sought counselling, experienced real healing, and I'm going to be honest, I understood the ramifications of the Gospel during that season more than any other time in my life. It was the most sanctifying, healing, horrifying, exhilarating time in our lives. And our marriage is strong and healthy now as a result. A season.
• You were diagnosed with clinical depression or some sort of personality disorder and/or anxiety disorder. Been there. I was diagnosed with clinical depression shortly after we got married (hence some of our difficulties). That's when I jumped head first into counselling. Yes, I was embarrassed by the label. I hated it. But it forced me - I mean absolutely demanded - into the grace, love, and unconditional forgiveness of Christ. My depression still beats me up. But it's just a season. I know during those times to reach out to my closest friends for prayer. I speak honestly with Bryant. And I schedule a counseling appointment. Yes, even after four years, I still see my counselor. It's a season.
• You have a newborn. Need I say more? Listen, it's a season. Now he/she is a toddler. It's a season. I so appreciate Instagram right now. You know why? I have some honest mommy friends who share their real stories of frustration, pain, exhaustion, excitement, and happiness through pictures. I don't feel so alone. And we can be praying for each other and encouraging each other that this is just a season. One day, when we are 50 and empty-nesters, we are going to miss these days. Sometimes I don't believe that, but I take the word of my more "seasoned" friends :). Hang in there mommy and daddy. Soak in those precious moments. Laugh at the aggravating ones. It's a season.
• You are divorced or have faced (are facing) some sort of loss. My dear, dear brother or sister...It's a season. Please do not think for a moment that God has abandoned you. That's what Satan wants you to think. He wants to destroy your life and the fastest way to do that is to isolate you from your Heavenly Father who probably doesn't seem that loving right now. This is cliche, but grasp a hold of His promises from the Word of God: His mercies are new every morning. He's never going to leave or forsake you. He wants to give you abundant life. Find some friends who can have faith for you during this time. Hurt. Bleed. But then cling. Cling to Him. It's just a season.

You were diagnosed with cancer. You've just moved for the hundredth time. You have trouble making and keeping friends. You have to pull away from a person who is doing you and your family some harm. You lost your job. You quit your job. You can't make ends meet. You are making more than you ever have. Seasons. These are all seasons. I have friends in almost every one of these categories. Dear friends. Friends that I hate seeing hurt. Friends that feel so alone. And all I can say, dear one, is that God is with you. He knows. 

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Exodus 2:25. The Israelites were experiencing brutal slavery and felt like God was no where to be found. But this verse says so eloquently:

God saw what was going on with Israel.

God understood.

So I leave you with this...not a theological argument for God's presence, not a ton of Scripture for you to memorize, not another Bible study or list of things to do. Just this: God sees. God knows. God understands. God's with you. It's just a season. Hang in there dear friend.

"There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity

under heaven:

A time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal, 

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a t time to search and a a time to give up,

at time to keep and time to throw away,

at time to tear and time to mend,

at time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a t time to war and a a time for peace."

- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Fear: The Catalyst Emotion (Part 1)

Emotions are simply reactions - automatic, spontaneous reactions. When something good or bad happens to you, your first reaction is usually an emotion. Feelings in and of themselves are not wrong. The Bible speaks freely of emotions - raw, vivid emotions. The book of Job contains the biography of a man who lost everything, and expressed deep hurt, abandonment, confusion, depression, loneliness, and anger. The Psalms are filled with intense emotions: anger, fear, bitterness, brokenness, guilt, frustration, loneliness. Jesus himself felt anguish, anger, sadness, loss. So the issue is not that you react; the issue is how you respond.

I believe the one emotion that tends to be the catalyst for all other emotions is fear. And not just fear in and of itself. Fear of abandonment. We are all afraid to be alone. God wired us for relationships so the absence of those terrifies us. Consequently, we are always fighting for control of other people. Why? Because then we think we can control our fear.

This is why almost every single one of us could admit to being a control freak in our relationships. We are attempting to keep the other person from leaving us - abandoning us. Unfortunately, whenever I try to control my loved ones in order to protect myself, I end up in a conflict. When my attempts at control come to nothing, then I become spiritual. Yeah, I go there (so do you). I start “praying” about it, praying that God would enable me to better control the person. When this doesn’t work, which (here’s the bad news) it is guaranteed to fail, then I vainly attempt to control the situation myself yet again. Except, just as in round one, this fails miserably…so, you guessed it, I pray about it some more…thinking that surely God will give in, because, I, after all, am praying (and with quite a bit of faith, mind you, faith that I am right and justified for what I ask).

James 4:1-3 says it this way, "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Do they not come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

That last line in the verse is a doosey: "You do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." Fear of abandonment originates from actually experiencing abandonment at some point in our past. We discovered really quickly that people are always looking to others for their love, acceptance, worth and security. Therefore, they only accepted us if we loved and did good to them...The moment we failed and they were hurt, we felt their disapproval and disappointment. They reacted with rejection. Rejection is self-protection against feeling abandoned. This only makes sense, right? I mean, if someone is afraid of being abandoned and I treat them negatively, the message she receives is that I do not care about her...I am rejecting her and consequently, she is quick to pull the plug on our relationship as protection against what she perceives as the impending abandonment. Now I feel rejected and abandoned. And the deadly cycle continues. We get trapped. And see, God isn't going to free us from this bondage because we cannot look to people to fulfill us. We cannot allow their love, acceptance, worth and security to be our identity. This is exactly why so many marriages end in divorce and so many parent/child relationships are blown to smithereens. We were never meant to be each other's saviors.

Stressed Spelled Backwards is Desserts

We all know that “Stressed spelled backwards is desserts”, am I right? But I think deep in our hearts, we truly believe that stressed spelled backwards is deserted.

That’s tough. But how true is that? I mean, when you are feeling stressed, you think everything and everyone depends on you and you are one mistake away from being deserted. If you think that’s a tad dramatic, then take some personal inventory.

If you are feeling stressed right now, get to the bottom of it. Ask yourself why. Now, some of us have legitimate stresses in our lives. But others of us, not so much. Our stress is self-induced out of our futile attempts to find our identity in everything and everyone but Jesus Christ. We don’t want to disappoint ourselves or other people. Mainly because we are terrified that we are going to come up short and be left alone. And nobody wants to be alone.

What do I mean? Well, currently, I am stressed. And I will tell you why, but you have to promise not to look down on me. It’s embarrassing. So here it goes.

I have two pretty big events in the beginning of November. And I have to find an outfit. And I’m stressed. Like, I laid awake for a while last night stressed.

Let the judgment commence.

But seriously. This whole outfit thing is really throwing me for a loop here. And why? Well, on my morning run God had a little heart to heart with me. He made it very clear that my insecurity is getting the best of me and so finding the perfect outfit is a way to mask it with some self-imposed confidence. Ouch. He went on to let me know that most of my stress recently has been directly connected to my attempting to control everyone and everything around me so that I feel better about myself. I am not allowing Jesus Christ to define me. I am defining myself through my accomplishments, my appearance, and my relationships. When I get terrified of failure, I know I am moving further away from Who I am in Christ and closer and closer to my own definitions of who I am. And that stresses me out.

So, let me ask you...why are you really stressed today? If something doesn’t go exactly your way, will you feel like a failure? Less of a person? Are you afraid you are going to be left in the dust if you don’t prove yourself? If so, you are finding your identity in what you do and in what other people think of you. And it’s exhausting. Re-calibrate. Remind yourself that you don’t have anything to prove to anyone. God loves you because of Jesus Christ. When He looks at you, He sees Jesus Christ’s perfect record. Rest.

(Read Ephesians 1 if you need a good dose of who you are in Christ.)

Just Say No

Just say no. It’s a timeless adage. We all know the phrase. We say it often. But we don’t live it. We can’t. If we did, wouldn’t we be bored, alone, ignored, worthless, useless?

That’s dramatic, you may be thinking. And I would agree with you. But seriously, then...why don’t we just say no? 

I was watching a Webinar (that is literally the dorkiest word I have ever heard) and the speaker challenged us to write down a list of our priorities. So here are mine:

1. My relationship with the Lord.
2. My relationship with my Husband.
3. My relationship with my children (notice I said “relationship” and not “being a mom to”...there’s a difference to me).
4. My relationship with myself (rest, exercise, Sabbath, writing, etc).
5. My relationships with my extended family and closest friends (those friends that disciple me, mentor me, keep me accountable, pray for me, cry with me, laugh with me).
6. My ministries: Ladies Fall Brunch and Kids Point.

Then, she encouraged us to jot down our obligations. So, here we go again (these aren’t necessarily in order).

1. Serving my husband.
2. Taking care of my daughter.
3. Managing our home (cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry).
4. Blogging.
5. Exercising.
6. Leading Kids Point Program.
7. Leading the Ladies Brunch.

The speaker told us that if our obligations are not lining up with our priorities, something is off and we are saying “yes” to all the wrong things/people.

Now, you will notice two things are missing in my “Obligations” list.

1. My relationship with the Lord.
2. My relationships with close friends and family.

Yikes. So, relationally, I am off. Notice, I am not talking about surface level relationships (a blog on friendships is sure to come). But those deep, gut level relationships that sharpen me and keep me on track. Those people that know my insides, the insides I don’t really want everyone seeing. Additionally, I am majorly off in my relationship with the Lord. Seems like everything else and everyone else is vying for my attention. That’s why so often I feel torn in 50 million directions and on the borderline of an anxiety attack. He’s not my first priority. So how in the world will my other priorities line up and my obligations fit appropriately? When He’s not invited into my everyday life, I am going to face situations that I can’t and won’t be able to handle. I am going to bite off more than I can chew because He is not going to be the One I am seeking to please. Everyone else is. And that’s a form of bondage I just can’t afford right now.

So, I have to rearrange my life and make sure He doesn’t just fit, He’s it. He’s the One I am living for...seeking to please…

How do I do that practically? Well, what specifically has HE called me to RIGHT now?

- Being His daughter (Biblical community and accountability is a part of this)
- Being a Wife
- Being a Mom

- Living in Community (my accountability partners)

- Serving Him creatively (Brunch and Kids Point)

These are mandates in Scripture. So, I do them all for Him. I serve Bryant for Jesus. I love Brooke for Jesus. I minister to others for Jesus. And when someone asks me to do something that will compete with one of those three major callings, I say no.

Now here’s the hard part: I need to learn to say no without feeling like I have to explain myself. Ouch. I like to talk. I like to explain. I like to make sure everyone likes me. So this is a hard thing for me to learn. But I have to. Otherwise, I will exhaust myself and I will inevitably and unintentionally communicate to someone else that they just aren’t as valuable to me as what I am doing instead (adapted from the webinar - ha). It’s tough. But, if I am finding my identity in Jesus Christ, I won’t be basing my self esteem on what others think of me and whether or not I am meeting everyone else’s expectations. I will only be concerned what Jesus Christ thinks...and last time I checked, He thinks I’m pretty awesome.

Cute Clothes and Comfy Seats: A Call to Serve

So let’s get real here. I enjoy going to church because I get to dress up, look cute, sit in a pew, worship God, listen to my husband, and talk to people. I get to feel important. Don’t judge me. What are your real motives for going to church? I’m not saying you don’t want to worship and grow. I do. You do. But, if we are honest, we also go to church for social reasons...and those aren’t sin. But, when they keep us from stepping out of our comfort zones and serving selflessly, well then, we’re wrong. God has commissioned us to serve others and make disciples (Check out the Great Commission in Mathew 28:19-20). So what does that mean?

I was reading in 1 Thessalonians this morning and what I discovered was a blueprint for discipleship, which honestly, I believe, is what volunteering in church is all about. When you volunteer, you are signing up to rub shoulders with people: Children, teens, adults. You will have an influence whether you like it or not. You will be discipling them.

In chapter 2 verses 4-6, Paul says, “On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the Gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask...God is our witness. We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else.” Wow and ouch. Paul was commissioned by God to serve others. He didn’t do it to bolster his ego, to get praised, to be noticed. He also didn't wear a mask. He was real about his struggles. He served others so that they might experience what he had: An intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. Paul had experienced God’s extravagant grace first hand. He was a murderer. "The chief of sinners," he says. And God forgave him and offered him a second chance. The opportunity to build up that which he, Paul, had been instrumental in tearing down (the church). And so Paul couldn’t help but serve others.

What about me? What about you? Have we ever come to the end of ourselves in such a way that we are just enamored by the grace, love, forgiveness, and second chances of God? Does that motivate our service? It should. Not that we serve to prove ourselves to God. No, Paul says that it’s God’s love that compels him. Drives him. The crazy love of God that redeemed and restored his life. That’s why he serves. He just can’t help himself.

You know, those of us that are serving to get attention and praise don’t understand the love of God. If we did, we would be filled to overflowing and wouldn’t have to look elsewhere to beef up our self-esteem, to find identity, to feel okay with ourselves. We would feel so secure in God’s love that we would want everyone else to experience that same sense of worthiness, acceptance, love, security. 

I love how Paul says he acted like both a father and mother to those he served. A mother is nurturing, caring. A father encourages, comforts, and urges (2:7, 11-12). And what did he encourage those he served to do with their lives? Check out 3:12-13: “May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you. May He strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all his holy ones.” There’s that theme of love.

The beginning of chapter 4 continues: “Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we...urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more.” I love that. If you are thinking you aren’t a theologian and wouldn’t know how to tell people to live to please God, well, then just tell people to watch your life. You aren’t perfect. You don’t get it all right. But you are seeking to imitate Jesus Christ, and as you imitate Jesus, people should imitate you. That’s true discipleship (1 Cor. 11:1).

Now, a word of warning: There may be people you are serving/discipling that choose to ignore you. And that hurts. Bad. But Paul addresses that in 4:8: “Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you His Holy Spirit.” We take discipleship so personally sometimes. And I get why: We are pouring our lives into them. In fact, Paul even says that he gives his life for those he serves. The problem is, sometimes we go too far and not only give those we disciple our lives, we give them our identities. And when they choose to go against something we have said, we fall apart. We get angry. We feel rejected. And it reveals our motives. Because honestly, they aren’t rejecting us. They are rejecting God. And if you are more upset over what emotional havoc they have wreaked in your life over the fact that they are walking away from a God Who loves them and has more in store for them then what they are choosing now, you have a problem. A discipleship, serving problem. A heart problem. I am not being harsh. I have it too.

So, back to my opening honesty. A few weeks ago, God made it clear He wanted me to serve in our Children’s Ministry. I have ridden a roller coaster of emotions since. Some weeks I love it, some weeks I miss my cute clothes and comfy seat. But then I have to ask myself. Who am I in this for? Too often I have to say me. I am in it for me. That’s why I want to quit. But when I take a step back and begin to think about the eternal impact I am making, I want to keep going.

Paul says in 2:19-20: “For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when He comes? Is it not you? Indeed, you are our glory and joy.”

People will be our eternal rewards. What do I mean? You don’t have ANY idea the impact you are making week to week when you serve/disciple. I don’t care if you are a parker and/or greeter (most people decided within the first 5-6 minutes of pulling in whether they will ever come back again), if you pour coffee (you may be offering the first tangible sign of kindness someone has had all week), nursery worker (you are giving someone else a chance to hear a life changing message), a children’s or youth’s small group leader (you have no idea the impact you are making), in the worship team, Media team, Host team, and on and on...The people you serve are your reward. You are the ones who are breaking down the walls and layers of protection and building bridges for them to hear the Gospel. It’s because of YOU that people are accepting Jesus and turning their lives around. You are making an eternal impact. They are your crown.

When we put it that way...How could you afford not to serve?

The Devil in the Mirror

Identity...one of the most powerful concepts in relation to an individual's ability to function as a whole, complete person and to interact with others in a healthy, mutually uplifting way.

Identity is the hinge on which a person's mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health swings. A lost and/or confused identity is the catalyst for every sin, disorder, or complex. Take that to the bank.

Think about it: Nothing causes more anxiety and altercations than getting lost. Am I right? You want to see two loving, godly married people go at it? Put them in the middle of nowhere with a map and one gas station and watch the eruption. The man clings to the map and his pride believing he can in fact save the day. The woman, in desperation, realizes that one quick stop and question can easily clear the confusion and put them back on the straight and narrow.

You see, even getting lost reveals where a person may or may not be finding his/her identity...hence the fight. The man is the protector, right? So, finding his way proves he is capable of living up to his identity as the leader and provider of the home. The woman is the helper. She knows that the best and most efficient help will come from the gas station. However, she is also relational and yearns to be heard. If her husband, in an effort to prove he can live up to his identity of protector, refuses to listen, she feels scorned, panics even more, and now decides to up the anty by demanding (instead of gently suggesting) a stop.

So identity. It's huge.

Paul spends all of Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians dealing with the idea of identity. Paul knows. He knows that these believers who are living in a culturally explosive and seductive time period will be easily swayed to abandon their convictions for love, acceptance, worth and security if not found first and foremost in Christ. He knows that Satan is clever and aware that a simple crack in a believer's identity will ultimately cause the entire fortress of his/her carefully constructed belief system to crumble. Satan knows. So, Paul belabors the subject of a believers identity in Christ. What does it mean to be in Christ? What does is look like? How does it happen?

In Colossians, Paul calls "Christ in you" a mystery. How true is that? I mean, we talk about our identity needing to be in Christ and the fact that it should be easy since He lives in us. But, honestly here, what the heck does that even mean? Paul defines it for us in Colossians 3:1-4...

- Raised with Christ
- Seated with Christ
- Hidden in Christ

Okay...so let me break this down for you. If you were raised with Christ, you had to have died with Christ. Very simply put, when Christ died on the cross for your sins over 2000 years ago, He died for all of your sins: Past, present, and future. Everything thing you do, say, and think has been covered by God's forgiveness. You are set for life. Let that sink in. Seriously. Stop, and think about that for a second. I don't care what you have done in your past or may commit in the future or are contemplating right now, you are FORGIVEN!!! Isaiah says it this way, "You [God] have cast all my sins behind Your [God's] back." David explains it this way, "As far as the east is from the west, so far does He [God] remove our transgressions from us." You can disagree with me, but I would be really careful with disagreeing with Scripture...and God's Word makes it clear...ALL of your sin is covered and forgiven. Period.

But how can that be, you ask? Ah, that's the mystery of Christ in YOU. You see, when Christ died on the cross, your sin and your labels (I could list some, but chances are you don't need me to...your label just came to mind) were nailed to the cross: "God has forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in Him." Those labels, those names you call yourself and the way you see yourself, are demonic. Yeah, that's right, they are from Satan. Otherwise, why would Paul say in that verse "He [God] disarmed the rulers and authorities...putting them to open shame"? He said that because those are the sources of your faulty identity. If Satan can determine how you see yourself, he can control how you see God and how you interact with others.

Come on...are you shocked to figure out that the reason you are so impatient with other people is because you are simply trying to protect yourself and hold your weak facade of an identity together? Are you struggling to forgive someone? That's because you are afraid that he/she/they could possibly get away with what he/she/they did and then ruin you again. Yeah, and you would be ruined because whatever he/she/they could take away from you is what you are basing your identity on. Let me explain it this way: You are finding your love, acceptance, worth and security somewhere. That "somewhere" is your identity. Do the math. You are scared you are going to lose whatever that "somewhere" is. Whoever threatens "that" is who you are out to destroy. Love, patience, forgiveness, kindness...those are obtrusive thoughts to you because those make you weak against the "whoever". So, you develop bitterness and anger as a way to protect yourself from the threat. Yeah, you're tracking with me now.

Okay, so you are forgiven. That's nice. However, we can't stop there. You are seated with Christ. After Christ died on the cross, He sat down at the right hand of God in Heaven. His sitting down is symbolic of saying "I'm done". In other words, Christ did everything that needed to be done for you to be forgiven and to stay forgiven...for all of eternity. In essence, Paul says it is as though you are sitting with Jesus, next to God. You are hanging out in God's throne room. "Wait a minute..." You gasp..."I am not worthy to be up there with Jesus." Uh, yes you are. That's my point. You were forgiven. When God looks at you, He sees Jesus. He sees His perfection. He doesn't see your label. That was nailed to the cross, remember? Jesus sat down. It's over. God disarmed Satan and the demons from using your label as a weapon against you.

But you still feel attacked? Paul explains all through Colossians how important it is to grow in knowledge. Why? Because knowledge opens your eyes to the truth of who you really are in God's eyes and therefore weakens the devil's hold on you.

Frederick Douglass was a black slave who taught himself to read and write. Consequently, he was able to escape from slavery and became a leading advocate for black rights in the North during the Civil War era. He explains that as a child, his slave owner was attempting to teach him to read and to write. However, her husband caught word of the tutoring. He quickly put an end to the lessons. Why? Because knowledge is power. If Douglass was able to read and to write, the dividing lines between whites and blacks would blur. Douglass would realize he too, in fact, is human and endowed to certain "unalienable rights".

Romans says that we have not been "given the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear..." We are adopted into God's family...we have a whole new identity!!! However, Satan uses our lack of knowledge of what that means to keep us tied up in anger and bitterness and enslaved to certain people and situations in effort to protect ourselves.

You are hidden in Christ now. You are safe. He, Who Colossians 1 says is the God of the universe, is your protector. Ultimately, we are all going to die and spend eternity somewhere. Ultimately, all of this crap down here is going to be over and where we end up (either in Heaven or in Hell) is what is going to matter. Keep eternity in mind. "Set your minds on things above", Colossians 3:2 states. Realize, what Jesus did on the cross 2000 years ago defines you. Shut Satan up. He doesn't deserve your time, or your identity.

More on this later.

Do I Have Any Rights? Part 2

So today I read John 1:11-13:

"He came to His own, and His own people did not receive Him. But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God, Who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God."

How awesome is that? The day after I am convicted about feeling as though I am entitled to certain rights from God and from others, I realize that I do have one divine right to center my entire life around:

I have the right to be a child of God.Amazing. What does this mean? Romans 8 breaks it down for me. The following facts need to be ingrained into my heart and mind over and over again because I am up against Satan, the Adversary. He will use every manipulation and deception possible to steer me away from the most powerful truth in all of Scripture: I have Christ's life inside of me because I am a child of God. What does this mean practically?

1. I am no longer condemned by sin and Satan, or God Himself. God condemned sin in His Son on the cross so that the righteous requirement of the law is fulfilled...in me!!! Let that sink in for a minute. v.1-8

2. I am in the Spirit. The Spirit of Life (the Holy Spirit - Who is God) - Who raised Christ from the dead - dwells in me!!! Again, pause and reflect. You don't need to feel this...you probably can't feel this...just believe it...by faith! Remember, Hebrews says it is impossible to please God without faith. v. 9-10

3. I am not in debt to sin. I don't owe, am not tied to or enslaved to sin. In other words, I don't have to sin anymore! How freeing! v.11-14

4. I am a child of God. I am not enslaved to fear or to sin. I am not a child of Satan, who is the Father of lies. I have the right to call myself a Child of God, and an heir of all that God has (read Ephesians 1 and Colossians 1). v.15-17

These truths will revolutionize our lives...if we grab a hold of them by faith and constantly remind ourselves of them when we are tempted to believe otherwise. I am a child of God. I have that right. By faith, I am claiming this right today, and everyday, from now till eternity.

Do I Have Any Rights? Part 1

I am not going to lie...I often believe I have rights. I mean, be honest, don't you? If you are thinking, "No, I really don't." Than riddle me this: Why do you get hurt, angry, stressed, or depressed? Because...you think you are entitled to certain outcomes, and when you don't get those outcomes, all Hell breaks lose. You with me? Personally, this is precisely why I struggle to forgive, to extend grace, and to surrender to God. I feel like He owes me and so do people. How arrogant of me! No wonder there are times in my life when it feels like God is against me...James 4 explains He is directly opposed to the proud - but intimately close to the humble. Yikes.

I was reading in Job yesterday. Here's a dude that has it all...a big family, a lot of money, a huge tent (equivalent to house...haha...for some reason that cracked me up), and a loaded camel (car - funny to me too...sorry). In Job 1:6-12, God calls Satan into His Throne Room and basically challenges Satan to a duel. Let this sink in for a second...God is so confident in His character and sovereignty, that He gives Satan permission to utterly destroy Job's life. Wait a minute...come again? Yeah, God, in His confident sovereignty and immutability, believes enough in His own goodness to tell Satan to wreck Job. I am not sure if you are frightened or comforted by that thought. In a strange way, I am frighteningly comforted. Here is the crazy thing...God is also confident enough in Job's character to know that he will rely on God's fixed and stable character to define his circumstances and not to allow the circumstances to define God's character. Wow.

In verses 13-19, four servants inform Job, one after the other mind you, that everything he has was just destroyed. Everything. Gone. In a matter of minutes. What Job does next hit me hard yesterday..."He fell to the ground and worshipped." I just had to stop typing for a second and take a deep breath. Wow. He explains, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord."

We have heard that verse a thousand times, haven't we? But think about what Job is saying here. He realized he is entitled to nothing (he came into the world naked - with nothing - and would leave naked - with nothing), but that God is the Sovereign Creator and entitled to everything...even worship during a disastrous season.

Here's the crazy thing...Job admits in 2:10 that he and his wife have experienced "evil", which literally means "disaster", from God. However, Job questions, "Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" Job had a proper view of life because He had a proper view of God. God's character defined Job's circumstances. God's character defined how Job viewed himself. God's character kept Job alive when death looked more promising.

Job's view of God and of life was counter-cultural. In fact, in light of all that has just happened to Job, his wife questions God and Job's friends question his character...they think he sinned! What?! Job just clung to the truth: "I am allotted months of emptiness, and nights of misery are appointed to me..." God allowed this season, and Job accepted it as from His hand...pain and all...resting in His sovereign, good, character.

Amen and selah.

Crowd Participation

So I need some crowd participation...Read the following two question "Quiz" (I would've called it "Questionnaire", but I am a teacher..."Quiz" is much more up my alley) and then leave your answers and thoughts in the "Comments" box. FYI...I am not looking for the "right" answers. I am looking for honest answers. How you answer the next two questions will tell you everything you need to know about your relationship with God. I never knew the power of these questions until I was forced to face and to answer them myself. Humble yourself...be vulnerable...and then watch God work.

Ready? Okay...

What do you believe God thinks about you?
a. I am simply a sinner saved by grace.
b. He loves me because He has to, but I am more of a disappointment to Him than anything else.
c. He is constantly frustrated with me because I can't get it right.
d. He loves me unconditionally, accepts me, and views me as He views His Son, Jesus.
e. Other (you tell me).

The following would describe my relationship with God:
a. I am working really hard to make Him proud of me.
b. I am constantly searching my heart looking for anything that could interrupt fellowship with God and cause Him to need to punish me.
c. I am resting in His grace.
d. I am trying to prove to Him that I am good enough for Him to love.
e. I am working really hard to be godly, because after all, isn't that the way I thank Him for sending His Son to die for me?

Go ahead...leave me a comment. Let me know. Don't give me the "This is what the Bible says but I don't believe it" answer. Give me your honest, gut level thoughts.

I'll go first...

The answer to the first question would have been "a" and "c". Answer to the second question: "b", "d", and "e".

Who Decides Who I am Going to Be?

Who decides who I am going to be?

Do Strangers, my friends, or my family?

Searching for love, acceptance, worth, security

Who defines me?

Answers are tucked within my deepest pains

Those rejections that leave the lasting stains

Longing to fix the relationships that are strained

What if I can’t?

What decides who I am going to be?

Do my wounds decide my identity?

Hurt deep down inside screams to be healed instantly

Is this the end?

Struggling to control those around me

Hoping for protection from future grief

My vain attempts will fail and still leave me hurting

What should I do?

Am I giving my painful past a say?

Why am I letting what I cannot change

Determine who I am going to be today?

Is it worth it?

God declares that I am worth Jesus Christ

He alone has power to make things right

Reminding me that the pain is not worth the fight

Will I trust Him?

I decide who I am going to be

Jesus Christ is the One Who will heal me

He asks that I trust and obey confidently

Will I?