Jesus Loves Judas 2

This comment was left under my “Jesus Loves Judas” blog and so I wanted to address it:

I'd love to hear your thoughts on a slightly broader or perhaps different context as to how we should biblically interact with those who seek to do damage to the gospel without purposefully shunning them. Considering the parenthetical statements above and adding in some of the language and actions the apostles used against the likes of the Judaizers and Gnostics.

Honestly, my answer is pretty simple. The only people that Jesus and the Apostles vehemently opposed and called out were religious hypocrites who were taking open advantage of those around them. They never “shunned” them, however. That would have been cowardly.

When Jesus came into the world, He disrupted hundreds of years of Judaism. He is the fulfillment of the Law, but for the majority of the religious leaders, He was the competition. They didn’t want to lose the control that the Law enabled them to have over the people. Jesus was never about control, He was always about grace.

Think about it. When Jesus interacted with Nicodemus and the Rich Young Ruler, he was meek because he knew they were genuinely searching. When Paul was at Mars Hill and interacting with the philosophers, he debated with them, but he did not call them out like he did the Judaizers (fancy term for religious leaders) in his Epistles. What’s the difference? The Mars Hills guys were searching (see a theme emerging?); the religious leaders were out to make money, gain a following, and disrupt whatever stood in their way. Did Jesus and Paul shun either group? Nope. Did they call out the religious leaders? Yep. They never avoided the religious leaders. Jesus and Paul weren’t cowards. They preached grace to those who were searching and defended grace from those who were manipulating.

Paul was a little more aggressive in his letters towards the Judaizers. I think he was for a couple of reasons:

1.   He wasn’t around to shepherd the new converts and many of the Elders of the churches were new believers too. They were still so young in the faith and easily swayed that I think he wanted to make a point to the believers to be on guard. Additionally, he wanted to warn those who were teaching false doctrine that they would be under strict condemnation (Jesus did this too: “The Woes”).

2.   We have to be careful here though…Paul was not confronting the Judaizers because they had differing preferences, they had a different gospel. And the Judaizers didn’t just agree to disagree; they actively went after the baby believers because they were bitter at Jesus and the Apostles for stealing “their crowd”. So, yes, Paul had to be more aggressive. Rightfully so. But he didn’t shun. He boldly confronted the group with the Gospel.

What do we do? We are wise as serpents but gentle as doves. To shun someone who is openly attacking the Gospel is to give them permission and the leeway to sway someone from the Truth. We need to defend the Gospel; but we ask God for discernment as to when and how. When we interact with people who are searching, we are gentle, understanding. When we realize that someone is openly doing harm to the Gospel for their own benefit (this is not hard to spot most of the time), we call them out like Jesus and Paul did. But again, we have to be careful. An unbeliever is obviously not going to agree with us and is not going to buy into the Gospel right away. I am not sure why “Gnostics” is in the above question…honestly, I only see Jesus and the Apostles calling out the “religious” people…I don’t see them going after those who just don’t believe. We have so turned the world off to the Gospel because for some reason, we expect unbelievers to act like believers and to support everything the Bible says. Unsaved people aren’t going to do that…why would they (that’s for another blog)? So, yes…call out someone who is doing harm to the Gospel. However, your methods will differ depending on the situation. What should you do? Look to Jesus. He had differing methods for handling each person and each situation and was yet was the most consistent Man Who ever walked the face of the Earth.

Jesus Loves Judas.

Approval and Acceptance. Many people think they know what these two words mean and therefore how to apply them…but they are sorely mistaken.

I am so burdened by how we as believers treat our brothers and sisters in Christ who sin, or maybe who don’t even sin but have different preferences than us (A preference is something you would prefer to do or not to do, but it is not a life or death issue. Please tell me you wouldn’t choose to die if someone held a gun to your head and asked you to have a sip of wine). That’s were our approval and acceptance begins: with our preferences. If someone has the same preferences as us, we approve of their beliefs and behavior and we accept them. If we disagree with his/her preferences, we make our disapproval VERY clear and even withhold our acceptance (most people would never admit to this, but it is happening over and over again…especially in ministry homes). Our paranoia of sin has caused us to overreact and to alienate ourselves from people who don’t have the same preferences as us, even if “those people” are our own children. We want to make it clear that we don’t agree with what the other person is choosing to do (manipulation), because we are afraid that this particular thing could lead to other issues (this “thing” could be drinking, dating, tattoos, piercings, etc).  In order to make our disapproval clear, we first confront the person. If he/she doesn’t “repent” (and I use that word loosely because, while yes, some have sinned and need to repent, others are simply choosing to do certain things that are not forbidden by Scripture), then the disapproving person goes to the next level: Shunning. This shunning could be little to no communication or just obvious signs that the disapprover is upset and not willing to restore the relationship. Unfortunately, the shunned feels the lack of approval and ultimately lack of acceptance. We call this rejection. And rejection does crazy things to people. Rejection can lead to the “issues” that the disapproving person was trying to keep the shunned from in the first place. So in essence, the disapproving person, through choices of his/her own, has really been the catalyst of the shunned to make sinful choices.

Please understand I am not trying to pass the blame. We as individual people make our own decisions. We are responsible for the choices we make and no one else. However, does that mean that our choices are not ever spurred on by an outside force? No.

We all have unhealed hurts, unresolved issues, and unmet needs that we try to heal, resolve and meet. Sadly, we often self-medicate and turn to alternative methods (sin) to do so. Many times, these hurts, issues and needs come at the hands of someone we have disappointed. The disappointment was communicated in the form of rejection. And rejection wounds deeply.

Jesus NEVER manipulated people with rejection (that is ultimately what rejection is: manipulation). I was thinking about that this morning. Read John 4. Look how he interacted with the Samaritan woman who wasn’t just living with different preferences than Jesus, she was living in sin. And what does He do? Well, look at how she responds to Him. She so senses his love and forgiveness she runs into the town and unashamedly says, “Come and meet the man who has told me everything I have ever done!” Wow! That is some real freedom. Now, Jesus does confront her sin. Obviously. But, he loves her in spite of her sin, and treats her kindly and with respect, never allowing her to feel rejected. She knows what she is doing is wrong; she doesn’t need a sermon on her decision making. That is why Jesus doesn’t even touch on her lifestyle until she brings it up. He addresses her heart: The fact that she needed some serious spiritual and emotional healing. She didn’t need to be shunned to figure out that she was wrong. She knew that. She needed loving correction and that is what Jesus was about. LOVING. Teaching. Not rejection. Not yelling. Not shunning. There is a difference.

Then, think about the fact that Jesus, Who is God and omniscient, asked JUDAS ISCARIOT to be His disciple. He knew Judas was a traitor. He knew Judas would willingly be possessed by Satan. And yet, He still wanted Judas on His team. He never treated Judas differently, even when He knew Judas was stealing money from the poor while a disciple (John 12:4-8). Here is the ironic thing: Jesus NEVER confronted Judas on the stealing. He did prophesy that Judas would betray Him, but none of the other disciples put two and two together. The implication is Jesus NEVER treated Judas differently. The other disciples had no idea. WOW.

Please catch my drift. Confront sin. But love. Be gracious. If a brother or sister in Christ is in sin, don’t disown him/her and don’t make your actions and your statements communicate rejection. Please, be Jesus to your brothers and sisters in Christ. Don’t be a catalyst for self-medication.

Dear Ministry Kid...

Dear Ministry Kid,

You grew up in a home with parents who love Jesus and you. Honestly, I could stop this letter right here and you would have more than enough to be thankful about. God placed you in a family that most do not have and more cannot maintain. Your parents deserve your respect for forfeiting jobs that would have paid more to follow Jesus and your forgiveness for not doing everything right in raising you. I know you have some push back here…most of you are so scarred from ministry that you cannot separate the forest from the trees. Please know I understand and am so burdened for our generation of bruised, hurting, wandering, needy Ministry Kids. We have to turn the tide for future generations (and my kids!). Hence, this series of blogs.

Satan has perverted two amazing opportunities: godly parents and life in ministry. Some of you blame your parents for the unhealthy effects their ministry has had on you. Please separate your parents from their ministry. I understand that being in the ministry automatically moves you into a glass house. I also realize that those whom you minister to carry big rocks and wait to throw them whenever they see something they don’t like (any wonder where your wounds came from?). However, I really believe that when you felt like your parents were being “too strict” to you and/or “too loyal” to the ministry, they were ultimately trying to protect their family from one more attack. If you stayed in line, you wouldn’t have to dodge the rocks, or so they thought.  Doesn’t always make it right…it’s just the facts. More on this point later.

When I think about my childhood, I have many fond memories. I loved going with my dad to a youth event that he organized and/or spoke at. I looked forward to summer camp. I enjoyed visiting new churches. I know that because of his ministry, I have a close-knit family. However, the pressure put on our family to perform to a certain caliber and the fear of failure that ensued was enough to cause a couple of unwelcome ripples in my life. Please understand, I am not blaming “ministry”. I am just saying that because we are imperfect people living in a less than perfect world, even “ministry” can become a snare. Unfortunately, because it is “ministry”, we are afraid to critique it and face the facts. However, if we want different results, we have to do things differently.

The honest truth is that many of the children of missionaries and pastors end up broken inside. In fact, the brokenness is becoming epidemic. Most of my friends I grew up with in the ministry are really struggling, me included (and I am a Pastor’s Wife!). Why?  In my opinion, it is for two reasons: pressure and fear.

In  the ministry world, we are very likely to develop idols…you know, those people whom we are convinced hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil. Those individuals that we are to model our lives, families and ministries off of.  For most of us, this ends up really badly for two reasons:

1.   You are not perfect. No matter how hard you try, you will never be as good as your idol, because remember, you probably have never seen a flaw or this person would not be worshipped by you. You put so much pressure on yourself to perform to the same standards you believe your idol is performing at, that you internally self-combust. Insert all sorts of addictions here.

2.   Your idol is not perfect. You will either see a flaw and grow disillusioned, or your expectations will inadvertently put so much pressure on said individual that he/she has an emotional breakdown. Any wonder why so many people in ministry end up addicted to pornography? They need an escape for all of the pent up frustration and anger inside that they are not allowed to express due to crazy expectations (glass houses and big rocks).

Honestly, I have been both idolized and an idolater. The only solutions to either situation are to be so real people can’t develop unhealthy views of me and to be sure the only person I idolize is Jesus.

What about fear? Wow…this could take a whole book to discuss. If you are growing up/have grown up in a ministry (church, mission field, organization, etc), you are in a breeding zone for fear. If you are not careful, you will begin to think that your particular ministry’s rules and guidelines are the only way to live. You may even start to hold these regulations equal with Scripture. I am not bashing standard of conducts…they are necessary for unity…I strongly believe that. However, when they become the standard for holiness, I have issues. And this is a slippery slope. It is so easy to believe that “our” way of doing things is the “only way”. Ministries can begin to use their standard of conducts as a form of manipulation for control. In other words, if an individual veers away from the guidelines, he/she is viewed as sinning, even if he/she is not living in contradiction to the Bible. Honestly, forget the veering…if an individual even questions the codes, he/she is made to feel uncomfortable, unwanted, and ungodly. Not to mention guilty. Enter the fear. Who wants to feel this way? No one. Here’s what happens: In an attempt to drown out these feelings, Ministry Kids will either embrace a lifestyle entirely contradictory to how they were raised or will so adhere to how they were raised they become an emotional basket case unable to make their own decisions. Neither option is right or healthy…but how sad that we as Ministry Kids only feel like there are two options. I strongly believe that we can find solutions to this epidemic…we just have to be willing to take an honest look (notice I have used this word A LOT in this blog…honesty is the only catalyst for change, but honesty is hard and humiliating sometimes) at what we are doing because what we are doing up to this point is not working.

Too many kids are the products of legalistic ministries and cannot think on their own and are desperately insecure of who they are and what they want to be. No more. You, Ministry Kid, are valued, important, unique, and allowed to be yourself. Start figuring out who that is and embrace it. Jesus embraces you.

I have just highlighted some of the issues in this blog and more than likely raised a lot of questions. I will give answers. However, we have to see the problems and some of us have to be given the freedom to come out into the open and say, "Yes! This is me! I need help! I am done pretending and/or running!"

Stay tuned for more blogs on “Dear Ministry Kid…” and solutions.