Fighter

I just went for a run, which means I just listened to all of my kick butt music. I love me some hardcore music as I race to do my 2-3 miles around the neighborhood. I think I look like Rocky. Everybody else thinks I look like a zombie talking to herself.

So I had this song on repeat:

Until the referee rings the bell, Until both your eyes start to swell, Until the crowd goes home, What we gonna do ya'll? Give 'em hell -Turn their heads, Gonna live life till we're dead! Give me scars, Give me pain! Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me - There goes a fighter! There goes a fighter! This one's a fighter! That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me, This one's a fighter.  

- The Fighter by Gym Class Heroes

I love that song!!! I get so pumped! Wanna know why? Because I AM A FIGHTER!!! And so are you! And as I was jammin' out to this song (and feeling so stinkin' tough because of the "give 'em hell" line - not gonna lie), I couldn't help but think about these verses...

1 Corinthians 9:26: 24: "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control..." 

1 Timothy 6:12: "Fight the good fight of the faith..." 

Proverbs 24:16: "For the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity." 

Psalm 3:3: "But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head."

Ya'll, our adversary the Devil is out to utterly destroy us. But we (those of us who have trusted Christ as our Savior) have the HOLY SPIRIT living inside of us - the same Spirit that Ephesians says raised Christ from the dead. So YOU ARE A FIGHTER! Fight WITH Him, not against Him.

What do I mean? Lean into Him, Surrender to Him, Listen to Him. React the way He would react. Live the way He would live. Do things the way He would do things.

And always remember, you are NOT alone. Hebrews says Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever and that He will NEVER leave your side.

So that anxiety, depression, insecurity, anger, addiction, lust, laziness, control, selfishness, lying, personality disorder, harshness, bitterness, gossip, hurt, betrayal - that you don't think you can ever get over? Think again.

Ephesians 1: 15-20: "For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks for you,remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places..."

This ONE's a Fighter.

Your Good Life is Trash

So I really wanted to take a nap (honesty), but my blogs come in bursts of angsts and I just had one. So here we go :)

My friend just texted me a few minutes ago. She was wrestling with the fact that she just told "her" story and is now paranoid that "her" story is going to ruin "her" reputation.

(Really quick rabbit trail: Your story is your story. Own it! Just as Paul owned and shared about his thorn in the flesh, so should you when God says it's time!!! Your thorn, your story, is the dark backdrop that illuminates the scandalous grace of Jesus! Preach it! If you don't have a dark backdrop, then you can't share about Jesus's grace because it has nothing to stand in contrast to and you've missed the Gospel.)

Here was my response:

You will always feel a little exposed. Even now when I talk about [my story] at times, I feel exposed because mental illness [or whatever your story is - mine just so happens to include mental illness] is just so personal. And that's why no one talks about it. There will always be a stigma. So whenever you share, you will either free people up or cause people to look at you funny. You just have to decide which is more important to you: Their freedom or your reputation. But no one can take your character and these struggles are what are making you into the wonderful woman that you are! So own them! But also remember that there is no rush to share everything at once. Go at your own pace. Share as much as you are ready to share. But you are NOT crazy. You are brave and courageous for facing these struggles and you are going to be FREE! You will learn through this whole process that the only opinion that matters is God's. That sounds so cliche - but it's true! And He has already declared you HIS - you are LOVED, ACCEPTED, WORTHY, SECURE. There is a verse in Psalms that says HE is the lifter of our heads. I love that verse!!! You can live with your head lifted high because HE is your HEALER! We all have a lot of crazy but we want to mask it. It's the difference between living free and living in bondage. The most free people are those who don't hide their depravity and as a result can celebrate the absolute and extravagant goodness of the Gospel.And that right there triggers my angst: The people who cannot (will not) face their own depravity, their own failures, their own shortcomings because I truly believe they will fall to pieces. Their perceived "good" reputation is the glue that is holding them together emotionally and if that glue ever disintegrates, they won't know who they are anymore.

I just read this in Grace for the Good Girl by Emily P. Freeman:

Good [people] can depend on their good reputation to meet their desperate need for love.

Dang.

Our good reputations are our identities. It's what we are known for...good parenting, good kids, good disciplines, good behavior, good grades, good choices, good marriage, good clothes, good ministry, good church, good house, good job, good car, good vacations, good college, good work ethic, good friends, good ____________. We are good. And if we cease to be "good", we cease to be us. So when our "goodness" is challenged, it can NEVER be our fault because then we are no longer good. Yikes. Do you see how dangerous this is? Scripture screams at us in Romans 3 that "There’s nobody living right, not even one" (The Message). And we say we believe that. But when was the last time you were brutally, uncomfortably, irrationally, absolutely nothing-to-lose honest? When? Like willing to be told you were wrong, have been wrong, were never right honest?

Ya'll, your "good" reputation is going to keep you living in bondage. It will isolate you. You will never be able to be fully and completely known because you won't want anyone getting too close and potentially seeing that you aren't good. But NO ONE IS GOOD. Nope.

If you are getting nervous thinking I am saying to flaunt your sin, then you are who this blog is written to (and Romans 6, 7, and 8 - I guess Paul and I share the same angst). Yes you, my love. And bless your heart. Be free! Own your freakin train-wreck of a life because then and only then can you be healed and free and then and only then can you love like Jesus loved! And then and only then can you live the life He calls us to live!

See, if you are obsessed with goodness, then that's all you are going to expect from yourself and from other people. And instead of sin and failure pushing you to the cross, it is going to push you further away because you will feel the pressure to "fix it" yourself. You are a PR dream come true, but a Gospel nightmare. And that's miserable. Because Jeremiah 17:9 says we are incapable of being good. And Isaiah says our goodness is filthy. So you are preaching a works based Salvation and Sanctification. You will live an up-tight, fear-driven life because of the fact that you have never experienced the scandalous love, acceptance, grace and forgiveness of Jesus even though you claim to have.

If we could only see ourselves as Christ does. Then we could live as Christ lived. But we can't. And so we don't. And we perpetuate that sad cycle of living to the next generation. And people are leaving the church faster than they are coming. And I don't blame them.

Oh, that is my angst. That we would embrace Honesty. Vulnerability. Gospel preaching, grace living, help me Jesus screaming lives. Cause that's what He expects. Not my goodness. No. Never that. But my utter and complete brokenness smothered in His perfect life. Only that. Cause only when I can stop hiding behind my goodness can He live His life through me.

But You, Oh LORD, are a Shield about me, my glory and the Lifter of My Head. Psalm 3:3 (ESV)

Break Free.

Speaking out about your anxiety, depression, or other mental illness is frightening. It’s humiliating. We don’t want to look weak. Or weird. Or crazy. People will look at us funny. Think we are nuts. Put us in a mental hospital. Think we are broken. But aren’t we? Aren’t we all broken? Isn’t that why Jesus Christ died on the cross - because we are so messed up we don’t even know how messed up we are (Jeremiah 17:9)? Ya’ll - It’s time we got a grip. The very thing that keeps people from accepting Jesus as their Savior is keep you from getting the healing you desperately need: Pride. Admitting you need help. You don’t have it all together. And maybe you can readily admit that: “I don’t have it all together.” But what about that insecurity that is crippling you? What about that exhaustion that won’t go away no matter how much you sleep? What about that sadness that keeps creeping in for no reason? What about your thoughts that you can’t quiet down? What about the fear that keeps you awake at night? What about the incessant control you demand to have? What about the people you are sucking dry because of your identity issues? What about your need for perfection that is debilitating you? What about it? Why can’t you face it? Why can’t you speak out about it? Why not?

We have to fight. Listen to me, I’m pleading with you. This isn’t going away. It’s just not. And it’s going to strain your marriage, damage your kids, mess with your job, and leave you lonely. It will eat you alive. I promise I’m not trying to be Debbie Downer here. But we can’t keep thinking these things will deal with themselves. That’s what Satan wants you to believe. But you have to realize he is out to destroy you.

In the world we live in, people say it’s brave to give in to whatever leanings they have. When we give in, we give up the abundant life God promises those who trust Him. We can’t keep giving in to our anxiety, depression, and personality disorders. We have to stand up. That’s where true courage lies: With those who say, “Enough! I am going to stop the cycle. I am going to fight for my spouse, my kids, my job, my friends. I am going to fight so I can be a testament to the grace of Jesus. The power of Jesus. If He can heal me, He can heal you.”

I speak openly about my anxiety, depression, and personality disorder because I want people to know that it isn’t an easy fight, but oh so worth it!!! When I was diagnosed with these mental illnesses several years ago, I was so discouraged. But then my counselor helped me to see how strong Jesus’s grace was in me. He had preserved me from some terrible decisions that could have destroyed my life. And while I battled with suicidal thoughts and nearly dissolved my marriage, God’s unconditional love and forgiveness chased me down until I couldn’t fight Him anymore and I finally surrendered. I surrendered to His love: The Love I was so desperate to feel. He met me face down in the dark. Alone. Scared. Hurting. Desperate. And that’s when Grace took over and healed me. It was a long road. And sometimes still is. But I wouldn’t trade the healing I’ve received from the hand of God for anything.

Why are you living this way? Why so trapped? Why so scared? Why so hindered? Why in such bondage? Break. Free. Jesus wants to heal you, but He opposes the proud. He will fight you if you fight seeking the help you need. The healing only He can provide. So step out in faith. I promise you the freedom you will receive will be worth more than the momentary humiliation you may feel.

Break. Free.

Brokenness

“When we were overwhelmed by sins, you forgave our transgressions. Blessed are those you choose and bring near to live in your courts!” 

Psalm 65:3-4

I have a number of close friends and family members that I have seen wrestle with the devastating effects of their sin. I have been privy to the statements, condemnations, judgments, consolations, and even prophecies that have been spoken over their lives. If you have ever lived through a season of “reaping what you have sown” as I have, you know firsthand how quickly the Pharisees come running out of the wood-work bent on making sure you understand that what has just happened must not and cannot ever happen again.

I think my angst comes from this: After a season of about 6 months of living through absolute Hell due to emotional problems and then sinful decisions made to self-medicate those problems, I really didn’t need anyone telling me how bad I was or that these behaviors needed to stop and never happen again. I knew it. O Lord, You know I knew it. I was so broken, so devastated, so utterly ruined by who I had become, I didn’t even recognize my own reflection in the mirror. I was terrified. And it was in one moment, face down on the floor of our bedroom, that I just called out to God from the depths of my heart. Even typing this is making me emotional. I told Him I was nothing. I had nothing. And if He was real, if He truly was my Savior, then the only way I was ever going to go on living was to be reminded in that moment that He could heal me. And I’m not lying to you when I say that I heard Jesus Christ whisper His love to me. Right then. Right there. And I was never the same.

See, I think that’s what true brokenness is - When our sin is so devastating to us that nothing more surprises us. And when all we have to cling to in those moments is the fact that He loves us. In the past I could’ve made myself feel better by listing my spiritual accomplishments, or those I had discipled, or the many ways in which I was serving. But God broke me down day after day for about a year where I literally was stripped spiritually and emotionally bare before Him and others. Yes, my clinical depression and anxiety, my emotional issues, my sin, was exposed to others. Never before had that been the case. However, my humiliation pushed me to the cross. Quite literally, that’s all I had. I had Jesus. And if He didn’t come through for me in that moment on the floor, then I am not sure what would have happened next.

I believe brokenness looks different for each of us but one thing is the same for all of us: When God truly strips you bare and leaves you face down before Him wherever that is, you know. You know He has just revealed the depths of your sinful heart to you. And you know that you will never understand the Gospel and it’s life-altering ramifications better than you do in that moment. And you will never interact with Him the same again because you quite literally have nothing more or left to prove. There is a freedom that comes from true brokenness. A freedom that is often misinterpreted. But a freedom that I will defend the rest of my life.

Our church, Centerpoint Church, ministers to hundreds of broken people every week. And I am here to tell you that we celebrate Prodigals coming home every week. I won’t lie: Sometimes it is hard not to want to put them on some sort of probation to prove their true repentance. But all I can do is to remember my story and the fact that the Father came running to me when I was most helpless: Facedown in our dark bedroom. Unable to offer or prove anything. And He changed the trajectory of my life. When we stop trying to prove to God why He shouldn’t love us and just determine to accept His uncoditional love, grace and forgiveness for us, He does a miracle. And it may look to outsiders like He is letting us off the hook. All I can say, we know otherwise. And that truth saved and sustains our lives.

Perverting Grace

So I am going to get up on a soap box here for a second and rant and rave J. Nothing new.

I am frustrated with the fact that so many times we, as believers, expect unbelievers to follow the Bible. What? No!

We are shocked when they buy into our cause, but not our creed. We are disappointed when their morals diverge from ours. We are worried when they disagree with our perspective.

But I guess I am not sure why that surprises us? I mean, why would they follow a belief system that they don’t believe in? Seems kinda illogical.

So here’s my thing. Instead of being overwhelmed with unbelievers' choices and instead of being shocked over their lack of submission to the Bible, be concerned for their souls. We are wasting so much energy being anxious about behavior, we are missing the point of the Gospel: Grace. Jesus never went after people's conducts until He dealt with their destinies. Think of the woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery, the Rich Young Ruler (RYR). At first glance, you may think Jesus is dealing with their behavior. But He’s not. Read John 4 and 8 and Luke 18 again. They bring up their lifestyles. So, Jesus hears them out, highlights their need for God, and offers them grace. After they accept His grace, He says, “Go and sin no more”. However, when the RYR refuses His grace, Jesus sadly watches him walk away. He doesn’t yell after him: “Well, keep following the commandments buddy. You got that going for ya!” No way. Why not? Because to highlight behavior, or following a code of rules, is completely contrary to the Gospel and to grace. We tend to forget that…even in our own lives. Grace means I don’t follow a list of do’s and don’ts…it means I develop a relationship with Jesus. That's what Jesus was after: Relationships. Guilt and condemnation don't build healthy relationships (Romans 7). Grace does.

We have perverted grace and have pushed people further from Jesus, instead of drawing them to Him.

Jesus Loves Judas 2

This comment was left under my “Jesus Loves Judas” blog and so I wanted to address it:

I'd love to hear your thoughts on a slightly broader or perhaps different context as to how we should biblically interact with those who seek to do damage to the gospel without purposefully shunning them. Considering the parenthetical statements above and adding in some of the language and actions the apostles used against the likes of the Judaizers and Gnostics.

Honestly, my answer is pretty simple. The only people that Jesus and the Apostles vehemently opposed and called out were religious hypocrites who were taking open advantage of those around them. They never “shunned” them, however. That would have been cowardly.

When Jesus came into the world, He disrupted hundreds of years of Judaism. He is the fulfillment of the Law, but for the majority of the religious leaders, He was the competition. They didn’t want to lose the control that the Law enabled them to have over the people. Jesus was never about control, He was always about grace.

Think about it. When Jesus interacted with Nicodemus and the Rich Young Ruler, he was meek because he knew they were genuinely searching. When Paul was at Mars Hill and interacting with the philosophers, he debated with them, but he did not call them out like he did the Judaizers (fancy term for religious leaders) in his Epistles. What’s the difference? The Mars Hills guys were searching (see a theme emerging?); the religious leaders were out to make money, gain a following, and disrupt whatever stood in their way. Did Jesus and Paul shun either group? Nope. Did they call out the religious leaders? Yep. They never avoided the religious leaders. Jesus and Paul weren’t cowards. They preached grace to those who were searching and defended grace from those who were manipulating.

Paul was a little more aggressive in his letters towards the Judaizers. I think he was for a couple of reasons:

1.   He wasn’t around to shepherd the new converts and many of the Elders of the churches were new believers too. They were still so young in the faith and easily swayed that I think he wanted to make a point to the believers to be on guard. Additionally, he wanted to warn those who were teaching false doctrine that they would be under strict condemnation (Jesus did this too: “The Woes”).

2.   We have to be careful here though…Paul was not confronting the Judaizers because they had differing preferences, they had a different gospel. And the Judaizers didn’t just agree to disagree; they actively went after the baby believers because they were bitter at Jesus and the Apostles for stealing “their crowd”. So, yes, Paul had to be more aggressive. Rightfully so. But he didn’t shun. He boldly confronted the group with the Gospel.

What do we do? We are wise as serpents but gentle as doves. To shun someone who is openly attacking the Gospel is to give them permission and the leeway to sway someone from the Truth. We need to defend the Gospel; but we ask God for discernment as to when and how. When we interact with people who are searching, we are gentle, understanding. When we realize that someone is openly doing harm to the Gospel for their own benefit (this is not hard to spot most of the time), we call them out like Jesus and Paul did. But again, we have to be careful. An unbeliever is obviously not going to agree with us and is not going to buy into the Gospel right away. I am not sure why “Gnostics” is in the above question…honestly, I only see Jesus and the Apostles calling out the “religious” people…I don’t see them going after those who just don’t believe. We have so turned the world off to the Gospel because for some reason, we expect unbelievers to act like believers and to support everything the Bible says. Unsaved people aren’t going to do that…why would they (that’s for another blog)? So, yes…call out someone who is doing harm to the Gospel. However, your methods will differ depending on the situation. What should you do? Look to Jesus. He had differing methods for handling each person and each situation and was yet was the most consistent Man Who ever walked the face of the Earth.

Jesus Loves Judas.

Approval and Acceptance. Many people think they know what these two words mean and therefore how to apply them…but they are sorely mistaken.

I am so burdened by how we as believers treat our brothers and sisters in Christ who sin, or maybe who don’t even sin but have different preferences than us (A preference is something you would prefer to do or not to do, but it is not a life or death issue. Please tell me you wouldn’t choose to die if someone held a gun to your head and asked you to have a sip of wine). That’s were our approval and acceptance begins: with our preferences. If someone has the same preferences as us, we approve of their beliefs and behavior and we accept them. If we disagree with his/her preferences, we make our disapproval VERY clear and even withhold our acceptance (most people would never admit to this, but it is happening over and over again…especially in ministry homes). Our paranoia of sin has caused us to overreact and to alienate ourselves from people who don’t have the same preferences as us, even if “those people” are our own children. We want to make it clear that we don’t agree with what the other person is choosing to do (manipulation), because we are afraid that this particular thing could lead to other issues (this “thing” could be drinking, dating, tattoos, piercings, etc).  In order to make our disapproval clear, we first confront the person. If he/she doesn’t “repent” (and I use that word loosely because, while yes, some have sinned and need to repent, others are simply choosing to do certain things that are not forbidden by Scripture), then the disapproving person goes to the next level: Shunning. This shunning could be little to no communication or just obvious signs that the disapprover is upset and not willing to restore the relationship. Unfortunately, the shunned feels the lack of approval and ultimately lack of acceptance. We call this rejection. And rejection does crazy things to people. Rejection can lead to the “issues” that the disapproving person was trying to keep the shunned from in the first place. So in essence, the disapproving person, through choices of his/her own, has really been the catalyst of the shunned to make sinful choices.

Please understand I am not trying to pass the blame. We as individual people make our own decisions. We are responsible for the choices we make and no one else. However, does that mean that our choices are not ever spurred on by an outside force? No.

We all have unhealed hurts, unresolved issues, and unmet needs that we try to heal, resolve and meet. Sadly, we often self-medicate and turn to alternative methods (sin) to do so. Many times, these hurts, issues and needs come at the hands of someone we have disappointed. The disappointment was communicated in the form of rejection. And rejection wounds deeply.

Jesus NEVER manipulated people with rejection (that is ultimately what rejection is: manipulation). I was thinking about that this morning. Read John 4. Look how he interacted with the Samaritan woman who wasn’t just living with different preferences than Jesus, she was living in sin. And what does He do? Well, look at how she responds to Him. She so senses his love and forgiveness she runs into the town and unashamedly says, “Come and meet the man who has told me everything I have ever done!” Wow! That is some real freedom. Now, Jesus does confront her sin. Obviously. But, he loves her in spite of her sin, and treats her kindly and with respect, never allowing her to feel rejected. She knows what she is doing is wrong; she doesn’t need a sermon on her decision making. That is why Jesus doesn’t even touch on her lifestyle until she brings it up. He addresses her heart: The fact that she needed some serious spiritual and emotional healing. She didn’t need to be shunned to figure out that she was wrong. She knew that. She needed loving correction and that is what Jesus was about. LOVING. Teaching. Not rejection. Not yelling. Not shunning. There is a difference.

Then, think about the fact that Jesus, Who is God and omniscient, asked JUDAS ISCARIOT to be His disciple. He knew Judas was a traitor. He knew Judas would willingly be possessed by Satan. And yet, He still wanted Judas on His team. He never treated Judas differently, even when He knew Judas was stealing money from the poor while a disciple (John 12:4-8). Here is the ironic thing: Jesus NEVER confronted Judas on the stealing. He did prophesy that Judas would betray Him, but none of the other disciples put two and two together. The implication is Jesus NEVER treated Judas differently. The other disciples had no idea. WOW.

Please catch my drift. Confront sin. But love. Be gracious. If a brother or sister in Christ is in sin, don’t disown him/her and don’t make your actions and your statements communicate rejection. Please, be Jesus to your brothers and sisters in Christ. Don’t be a catalyst for self-medication.

Deuteronomy 2: God Knows.

I want to share one statement from Bryant's talk on Sunday (listen to his podcast "Come Home" 2: http://www.centerpointfl.org/seriesarchive.php).

God is generous in His grace but thorough in His discipline.

He disciplines, not to pay us back, but to win us back. Okay, so I stole two lines...but only because they mirror God's interactions with His people in Deuteronomy. :)

Remember - Israel rebelled - God had incredible blessings and peace ahead for them. However, all they could see were the obstacles.

He was going to show off His power - they couldn't get past their weaknesses.

He would supply their needs - they couldn't surrender their wants.

Israel forfeited what would've been the most awesome, mind blowing adventure for forty years of wandering in the wilderness. And boy, was it ever a wilderness.

I love Deuteronomy 2:7: "God knows you are going through this great wilderness. These forty years the Lord Your God has been with you. You have lacked nothing."

Wow. God's grace is amazing.

Even though the Israelites were in the wilderness as a consequence of not trusting God, He still protected and cared for them.

Let me reiterate: God still extended grace, mercy, protection and love - the very things Israel refused to accept - because that is Who God is. He knows. He knows we are weak and frail. But He loves us as a perfect Father would love His children.

The author of Hebrews says it best: "The Lord disciplines the one he loves...Therefore life your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed."

You want healing? I sure as heck do. We have to do the hard work of repentance. Stop fighting God, realize where we have gone off track, figure out what needs to change, and do it.

See you on the other side.