Proud Mommas

So I feel like all this week, the Devil has been standing in front of me with a huge sign with all my labels. You know what I mean. The past I am trying to leave just there...in the past. But I can’t this week. For some reason, I am just getting beat down. And I know I’m not the only one.

I just found out that one of the many kids who raised their hands indicating they accepted Jesus as their Savior on Sunday (I work in our Children’s Ministry at CC) was a little boy I know personally. And I cried all morning when I found out.

What got me most was his momma. A sweet lady whom God has completely transformed over the past several years. In fact, her and her husband’s story is one of my favorites. But she openly shared on Social Media that she was a little intimidated to say anything about her son’s Salvation because she was afraid people would call her a hypocrite due to her past. Honestly, I understand and ache over her dilemma. I can’t tell you how many times Satan has taunted me with my labels...especially now that I have a daughter. Over and over again I am reminded of what God saved me out of and I get terrified over what I may or may not pass on to her. What if she battles with clinical depression? What if she has crippling insecurity? What if she misses God’s grace and gets hung up on legalism and perfectionism? What if…??? And on and on it goes.

I guess that’s why Paul said in Philippians 3:13, “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” Paul had a past. He had the worst label (in my opinion) anyone can have: Murderer. I am sure as he ministered in different churches, he came face to face with family members of people he personally killed. I can’t even begin to imagine.

But remember...this is the same guy who said in Romans 8:1: “There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” How freeing.

Do I live that way?

Nah.

So what now? Philippians 4:13 has the answer: “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Here’s what Paul is saying in Nicole’s Translation (how cool would that be? ha): I have the awesome God-given calling of being a Mom. Being a Mom is modeling the grace, love and forgiveness of my Heavenly Father to my family. I model that by not only living out my daily walk with God, but also being His personal ambassador to my husband and kids. It’s messy. It’s hard. It’s so worth it. My kids don’t need to see a perfect me. But they do need to see a perfect Heavenly Father. And I can point them to Him with my messy past and all. In fact, I think God’s grace shines the brightest against the backdrop of brokenness.

So when Satan cripples us from truly celebrating what Jesus Christ is beginning in our children’s lives, well then, we just need to tell him where to go. We as parents have the opportunity to begin a new legacy in our children’s lives. We get to break the chains of years of generational sin that may have run rampant in our family of origin’s past. We don’t need to be ashamed of what God has saved us out of and what He is beginning in our children’s lives and hopefully protecting them from. We don’t need to fear our labels and hang them over our heads and theirs. This is our opportunity to be a catalyst of change in the next generation. Praise God that He gave us a second chance so that we can teach our children out of our mistakes and give them a chance at a different future.

All I know is our children are our lasting legacy. Not our pasts. Be a proud momma. Hold your head up high. God is working...and your life and your precious son or daughter’s life is testament to that.

Just Say No

Just say no. It’s a timeless adage. We all know the phrase. We say it often. But we don’t live it. We can’t. If we did, wouldn’t we be bored, alone, ignored, worthless, useless?

That’s dramatic, you may be thinking. And I would agree with you. But seriously, then...why don’t we just say no? 

I was watching a Webinar (that is literally the dorkiest word I have ever heard) and the speaker challenged us to write down a list of our priorities. So here are mine:

1. My relationship with the Lord.
2. My relationship with my Husband.
3. My relationship with my children (notice I said “relationship” and not “being a mom to”...there’s a difference to me).
4. My relationship with myself (rest, exercise, Sabbath, writing, etc).
5. My relationships with my extended family and closest friends (those friends that disciple me, mentor me, keep me accountable, pray for me, cry with me, laugh with me).
6. My ministries: Ladies Fall Brunch and Kids Point.

Then, she encouraged us to jot down our obligations. So, here we go again (these aren’t necessarily in order).

1. Serving my husband.
2. Taking care of my daughter.
3. Managing our home (cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry).
4. Blogging.
5. Exercising.
6. Leading Kids Point Program.
7. Leading the Ladies Brunch.

The speaker told us that if our obligations are not lining up with our priorities, something is off and we are saying “yes” to all the wrong things/people.

Now, you will notice two things are missing in my “Obligations” list.

1. My relationship with the Lord.
2. My relationships with close friends and family.

Yikes. So, relationally, I am off. Notice, I am not talking about surface level relationships (a blog on friendships is sure to come). But those deep, gut level relationships that sharpen me and keep me on track. Those people that know my insides, the insides I don’t really want everyone seeing. Additionally, I am majorly off in my relationship with the Lord. Seems like everything else and everyone else is vying for my attention. That’s why so often I feel torn in 50 million directions and on the borderline of an anxiety attack. He’s not my first priority. So how in the world will my other priorities line up and my obligations fit appropriately? When He’s not invited into my everyday life, I am going to face situations that I can’t and won’t be able to handle. I am going to bite off more than I can chew because He is not going to be the One I am seeking to please. Everyone else is. And that’s a form of bondage I just can’t afford right now.

So, I have to rearrange my life and make sure He doesn’t just fit, He’s it. He’s the One I am living for...seeking to please…

How do I do that practically? Well, what specifically has HE called me to RIGHT now?

- Being His daughter (Biblical community and accountability is a part of this)
- Being a Wife
- Being a Mom

- Living in Community (my accountability partners)

- Serving Him creatively (Brunch and Kids Point)

These are mandates in Scripture. So, I do them all for Him. I serve Bryant for Jesus. I love Brooke for Jesus. I minister to others for Jesus. And when someone asks me to do something that will compete with one of those three major callings, I say no.

Now here’s the hard part: I need to learn to say no without feeling like I have to explain myself. Ouch. I like to talk. I like to explain. I like to make sure everyone likes me. So this is a hard thing for me to learn. But I have to. Otherwise, I will exhaust myself and I will inevitably and unintentionally communicate to someone else that they just aren’t as valuable to me as what I am doing instead (adapted from the webinar - ha). It’s tough. But, if I am finding my identity in Jesus Christ, I won’t be basing my self esteem on what others think of me and whether or not I am meeting everyone else’s expectations. I will only be concerned what Jesus Christ thinks...and last time I checked, He thinks I’m pretty awesome.

Forgiveness Part 7: Always For You.

Okay, so let's draw this to a close, shall we? Yes, you are thinking...please. Enough already. Okay, let me boil this whole thing down for you and end with the following thoughts from Chip Ingram...

You forgive someone and keep forgiving him/her until he/she is forgiven. Got it?

Forgive.
You have to come to a point in time when you decide to be intentional about your forgiveness. You honestly evaluate what someone owes you; because, let’s be honest, if you have been hurt and wounded, someone stole something from you. You write out the offense or talk to the person in your head. Have an imaginary conversation. Get it all out. Then, decide from that moment on that you will release the person to God to handle and you will not dwell on the situation or demand anything in return.

Forgiving.
You will have to remind yourself that you have cancelled the debt millions of times throughout the ensuing days. Forgiveness is a process. It starts with the intellect and slowly infiltrates the emotions. You have to be disciplined. Anytime the feelings come back, and they will, trust me, you tell yourself you have cancelled the debt. Pray for the person (really hard) and move on with your day, living in the moment. Do not panic if your hurt emotions (or angry emotions) do not go away for weeks, months, or years. Just ignore them. Preach the Gospel to them and move on.
Forgiven.
Ultimately, maybe years down the road, you will find that when the person or the situation that hurt you is mentioned, you don’t respond emotionally. That means the forgiveness process is complete. Hallelujah! Praise God for walking you through the process and get ready to be used by Him to walk others through it.

Remember, forgiveness is always for you, not for the other person.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. I would love your feedback about what God did in your life. Praying for you!

Forgiveness Part 6: Healing

Now, how do we heal? The following is taken from Captivating by John and Staci Elderedge.

1. "Turn from the ways you have sought to heal yourself."
“Your enemy has seized upon your wounds and your sins to pin your heart down.”

We all have those “pet sins” that we personally develop in order to meet our needs instead of allowing God to be our Defender and Protector (Psalm 84:11). When we were wounded, something was stolen from us and left a void. If we do not fill that void with the grace and love of Jesus, we will fill it with something dangerous. We self-medicate, and it's sin. Find out what those sins are for you (or ask a spouse or friend if you are brave), and repent (ask God for forgiveness and change).

2. "Invite Him In."
After you have asked forgiveness for the sins that your wounds have caused, invite God into the middle of the hurt and pain. Then, surrender the hurt and pain to Him. Ask Him to heal you. Beg Him to heal you.

3. "Renounce the agreements you’ve made with your wounds."
We have all believed deceitful messages about our wounds. “Wounds bring messages that FEEL true, so we accept them as TRUTH.” Hence, God’s Word and His messages of love are known intellectually, but are lost on us emotionally. We have labeled ourselves. You need to spend some time in prayer and self-interrogation to discover what names/labels you have given yourself. Again, if you are not sure, more than likely you have verbalized these labels. Ask a spouse or close friend to listen for them..

My label was "idiot". I discovered it when I was in a counseling session and kept referring to myself as an idiot. Even now and again, I will resort to self-name-calling. My husband catches me and says, "No negative self-talk!"

4. "We find our tears."
You have to own the fact that your wounds are painful. You have to face the emotion. If you don’t, you will be suppressing years of pent up emotion and it will eventually leak out in weird behaviors. Hence, people out of “nowhere” have emotional breakdowns and begin to act insane. This is where you have to determine what your offenders owe you. This is the down and dirty part of forgiveness and healing. It's scary, that's why so many people don't do it. Might I suggest you get into professional counseling and have someone guide you through the process?

5. "Forgive."
“We allow God to bring the hurt up from our past, for ‘if forgiveness doesn’t reach the emotional core of your life, it will be incomplete.’”

Important side-note here: You have to allow God to bring up the emotion from the past. Way back at Step 2 of this process, ask Him to dislodge the pent up emotion and to walk you through the pain. If you try to dig it up yourself, it is going to be disastrous. Some of you are in the bottom of your pit right now. You have definitely hit rock bottom. That is so good! Be encouraged! God has thwarted your own “redemptive plans” in order to draw you to Himself. You cannot seek salvation and safety anywhere other than God Himself. He will do whatever it takes to bring you back to Him.

6. "Ask Jesus to heal you. Beg Him."

7. "Let Him Father you."
Many of you have a “little girl or boy” trapped deep down inside. The innocent little girl or boy that experienced the deep pain. Find him/her. Love him/her. Surrender him/her to Jesus to nurture, care, love, protect, and heal.

8. "Ask God for a new name."
Refer back to Step 3…after you discover how you have been labeled by Satan, ask God to give you a new name. The name by which He calls and views you. This is so cool!!!

Okay…now for the practical side of things.

Because of our wounds and self-medicated responses, most of us have no clue who we really are. So, I need you to start keeping an “About Me” list. When you discover that you like something, write it down. When you find you don’t like something, write it down. Rediscover who you truly are: your favorite color, movie, food, restaurant, past time, book, etc. This is a cool thing to do. If you don’t start loving and caring for yourself, you will never allow God to do it.

Cute Clothes and Comfy Seats: A Call to Serve

So let’s get real here. I enjoy going to church because I get to dress up, look cute, sit in a pew, worship God, listen to my husband, and talk to people. I get to feel important. Don’t judge me. What are your real motives for going to church? I’m not saying you don’t want to worship and grow. I do. You do. But, if we are honest, we also go to church for social reasons...and those aren’t sin. But, when they keep us from stepping out of our comfort zones and serving selflessly, well then, we’re wrong. God has commissioned us to serve others and make disciples (Check out the Great Commission in Mathew 28:19-20). So what does that mean?

I was reading in 1 Thessalonians this morning and what I discovered was a blueprint for discipleship, which honestly, I believe, is what volunteering in church is all about. When you volunteer, you are signing up to rub shoulders with people: Children, teens, adults. You will have an influence whether you like it or not. You will be discipling them.

In chapter 2 verses 4-6, Paul says, “On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the Gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask...God is our witness. We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else.” Wow and ouch. Paul was commissioned by God to serve others. He didn’t do it to bolster his ego, to get praised, to be noticed. He also didn't wear a mask. He was real about his struggles. He served others so that they might experience what he had: An intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. Paul had experienced God’s extravagant grace first hand. He was a murderer. "The chief of sinners," he says. And God forgave him and offered him a second chance. The opportunity to build up that which he, Paul, had been instrumental in tearing down (the church). And so Paul couldn’t help but serve others.

What about me? What about you? Have we ever come to the end of ourselves in such a way that we are just enamored by the grace, love, forgiveness, and second chances of God? Does that motivate our service? It should. Not that we serve to prove ourselves to God. No, Paul says that it’s God’s love that compels him. Drives him. The crazy love of God that redeemed and restored his life. That’s why he serves. He just can’t help himself.

You know, those of us that are serving to get attention and praise don’t understand the love of God. If we did, we would be filled to overflowing and wouldn’t have to look elsewhere to beef up our self-esteem, to find identity, to feel okay with ourselves. We would feel so secure in God’s love that we would want everyone else to experience that same sense of worthiness, acceptance, love, security. 

I love how Paul says he acted like both a father and mother to those he served. A mother is nurturing, caring. A father encourages, comforts, and urges (2:7, 11-12). And what did he encourage those he served to do with their lives? Check out 3:12-13: “May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you. May He strengthen your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all his holy ones.” There’s that theme of love.

The beginning of chapter 4 continues: “Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we...urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more.” I love that. If you are thinking you aren’t a theologian and wouldn’t know how to tell people to live to please God, well, then just tell people to watch your life. You aren’t perfect. You don’t get it all right. But you are seeking to imitate Jesus Christ, and as you imitate Jesus, people should imitate you. That’s true discipleship (1 Cor. 11:1).

Now, a word of warning: There may be people you are serving/discipling that choose to ignore you. And that hurts. Bad. But Paul addresses that in 4:8: “Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you His Holy Spirit.” We take discipleship so personally sometimes. And I get why: We are pouring our lives into them. In fact, Paul even says that he gives his life for those he serves. The problem is, sometimes we go too far and not only give those we disciple our lives, we give them our identities. And when they choose to go against something we have said, we fall apart. We get angry. We feel rejected. And it reveals our motives. Because honestly, they aren’t rejecting us. They are rejecting God. And if you are more upset over what emotional havoc they have wreaked in your life over the fact that they are walking away from a God Who loves them and has more in store for them then what they are choosing now, you have a problem. A discipleship, serving problem. A heart problem. I am not being harsh. I have it too.

So, back to my opening honesty. A few weeks ago, God made it clear He wanted me to serve in our Children’s Ministry. I have ridden a roller coaster of emotions since. Some weeks I love it, some weeks I miss my cute clothes and comfy seat. But then I have to ask myself. Who am I in this for? Too often I have to say me. I am in it for me. That’s why I want to quit. But when I take a step back and begin to think about the eternal impact I am making, I want to keep going.

Paul says in 2:19-20: “For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when He comes? Is it not you? Indeed, you are our glory and joy.”

People will be our eternal rewards. What do I mean? You don’t have ANY idea the impact you are making week to week when you serve/disciple. I don’t care if you are a parker and/or greeter (most people decided within the first 5-6 minutes of pulling in whether they will ever come back again), if you pour coffee (you may be offering the first tangible sign of kindness someone has had all week), nursery worker (you are giving someone else a chance to hear a life changing message), a children’s or youth’s small group leader (you have no idea the impact you are making), in the worship team, Media team, Host team, and on and on...The people you serve are your reward. You are the ones who are breaking down the walls and layers of protection and building bridges for them to hear the Gospel. It’s because of YOU that people are accepting Jesus and turning their lives around. You are making an eternal impact. They are your crown.

When we put it that way...How could you afford not to serve?

Forgiveness Part 5: Living Scarred

Okay...so let's talk about that. Our scars.

Every person is wounded. Jesus Christ came to save us from our sins, but also to heal us from our wounds. Think about it: A daughter is in an accident, rushed to the emergency room, rescued into stable condition, and ushered into the ICU. The father arrives and decides that Urgent Care treatment is all he is willing to pay for. She will therefore spend the rest of her life in the ICU. Sound realistic? Nope. So why do we think our Heavenly Father will do the same and maybe worse with us? Yes, He sent His Son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. We are in stable condition if we accept Jesus as our Savior. However, Jesus also came to give abundant life (John 10:10). Unfortunately, Satan is the Father of all lies and he seeks to utterly destroy us (John 8:44, 1 Peter 5:8). He convinces us that we have to live wounded; we have to stay in the ICU.

But you see, there is a difference between living wounded and living with our wounds. Here is another illustration: If you were to severely cut your arm, you would have a bloody mess on your hands (pun not intended...but it's awesome). You would have to spend weeks cleaning and caring for your wound. Ultimately, it would heal and leave a small scar. Hardly anyone would notice the scar. The only way anyone would know about the wound is if you felt lead to show and tell.

The same thing occurs with our emotional wounds. When we are initially hurt emotionally, we are bleeding everywhere. We have to go through intense treatment. Once we have healed, we have the scar, but not the intense pain. We learn to live and are able to interact again. We only share our wound when we feel lead. The most significant part of this comparison is the fact that the wound is yours. You need to own it. Don’t let anyone take advantage of your scar or use your scar. This is your battle wound that God will use to minister to others when you are ready. Own it.

Forgiveness Part 4: It's Unfair.

This is tough stuff...but sooooo crucial to a free and peaceful life. Please know, I am wrestling through this stuff (let's be honest, this crap) with you. It sucks. But, we have to get our hands dirty and "Get 'er done!"So, let's talk through some steps to take if we want to get down and dirty and forgive others. Once again, Swindoll gives us some guidance based on God's Word:

1. "Focus fully on God's forgiveness of you (Psalm 103; Psalm 116)."
"The extent to which you can envision God's forgiveness of you, to that same measure you will be given the capacity to forgive others." If am spending all of my energy praising God and basking in the freedom of His forgiveness and grace for me, I am not going to have any time and emotion left over to be bitter. You are going to get sick and tired of me saying this, but I don't care: You have to preach the Gospel to yourself! Forgiveness seems so unfair until you realize what God did for you through Christ was infinitely unfair.

2. "Deal directly and honestly with any resentment you currently hold against anyone." 

Oh no. "Maybe you are willing to go just so far. You will bargain with God and agree to forgive but not forget." Can I hear an "Amen"?! This is where I live my life. Why can't this be good enough? Because..."That is one of the most regrettable mistakes a Christian can make. Limited forgiveness is like conditional love - a poor substitute for the genuine item. It's no forgiveness at all." Chuck went there. And, I have to meditate on Psalm 103, "As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us." God takes my sin from me...I am not defined by it. Hebrews 10:22 says He even cleans my conscience and my memories of my sin. I don't have to even think about it. How can I not do this for someone else??? Now, let me say something here. When you are dealing with forgiving someone else, let's be straight: You don't have to think about his/her offense and then pretend like it never happen. Nope. Name his/her offense. Realize this person stole something from you. Determine what that is (a childhood, marriage, job, relationship, memory, innocence, virginity, etc). This person owes you something. What is it? Come on...go there. Figure it out. Now, brace yourself. Can he/she ever pay you back fully as though it never happened? Can they? You have to honestly answer this question. Why? Because it ultimately is going to help you. You hang on to the pain because you think it is going to somehow justify what happened. And, you are going to make the other person pay. But neither of those thoughts are true. You can never be paid back and that person's suffering isn't going to do it for you. So, you have to make the mental decision to free the person from what he/she owes you. That doesn't mean you convince yourself that it never happened. No, it did. But you aren't going to hold it against the person anymore and make them pay for it. Make sense? I never said this was going to be easy. Christ's death on the cross certainly wasn't.

"If forgiveness is the process God takes us through to heal inner wounds...then forgetting would be the removal of the ugly scar. And God can even do that."