Life Sucks.

So I have been rubbing shoulders with a number of people who just feel overwhelmed and bogged down with life. Life is hard. It hurts. It's exhausting. It's stressful. It's lonely. It sucks.

Bottom line: It beats us down and wears us out. And some seasons are longer than others. If we don't have a Biblical perspective, it's easy to give into the lie that God doesn't love us, is punishing us for something, or just took off.

My friend, nothing could be further from the Truth.

Just this morning I was reading in 2 Corinthians 1. Here are some of the verses:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, Who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows...[comfort] produces in you patient endurance."

I love the line that says, "Just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." We are going to face hard times. God tells you that straight up (got to appreciate His honesty, am I right?). But, He also promises His comfort.

Some of you may be thinking, "Hold the phone. I am in the middle of my own personal Hell right now and I ain't experiencing no peace." (Disclaimer: I am sure you practice better grammar than that). Well, let me ask you this: Do you believe that God loves you...and even likes you?

That's a simple question...with a really difficult answer for some. I was just talking with a friend who is going through a tough time right now and she was absolutely convinced God didn't like her and was out to get her for past mistakes. Oh how that broke my heart. We will have to face the consequences for our decisions...and sometimes those aren't pleasant. But there are also times when we are in the middle of a "crapstorm" that we didn't create. 

God's Word has an answer for both of those situations...
We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, Who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

The great Apostle Paul was suicidal at times. Isn't that crazy? I mean, check out the verses above..."we despaired even of life." Hello. He didn't want to live because life got so bad at times. But, he gives the answer: "This happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God, Who raises the dead."

Tough, terrible, horrible times often reveal the "dead" parts in us: Those things we are still hanging onto to give us meaning, identity, and worth apart from Jesus. Those things that when we lose them, we feel like we can't go on. The good news is, God wants to raise those dead parts to life by giving us His abundant life through Christ Jesus. We have to "set our hope" on Him (see above). We have to believe that He truly does love us more than anything and that God gave up Jesus to get us. We are worth Jesus Christ to God! We have to accept Jesus as our Personal Savior (apart from anything good we can or will do) and believe that only through Jesus can we have a personal relationship with God. Then, we have to remind ourselves everyday that the same love God showed by trading in Jesus for us, He offers everyday. We just have to accept it. You may not feel it at times. But you have to choose to believe it.

God will give you more than you can handle, because He wants to handle it for you.

I love the last few verses in 2 Corinthians 1:
God affirms us, making us a sure thing in Christ, putting His yes within us. By His Spirit, He has stamped us with His eternal pledge - a sure beginning of what He is destined to complete.
God affirms you...not your circumstances. He defines you. Not the difficulties you are facing now. If you have accepted Christ as your Savior, God has stamped you with His "Yes!" And He promises to complete what He has started in you (Philippians 1:6).

Hang in there dear friend. Keep reminding yourself of the incredible love of God that He demonstrated for you when He had Jesus Christ die in your place on the cross for your sins (past, present, and future). Trust in Him, and not in your own works. Believe that He is your only hope for Heaven and that He loves you no matter what you do, what other people say, what circumstances you face, or how you feel.

Amen and amen.

Mommy Life: Redeeming the Ugly Stuff

Okay...so I am feeling a little "out of sorts" today and need to write it out - so to speak (there were multiply puns in that one statement...awesome). The problem with being a blogger is the fact that everyone knows what I am struggling with - and why - because the only way for me to process is to write. Awesome again. Don't worry...this should be quick today. I don't even have my Bible out. Just some thoughts.

Nothing will drudge up all of your "stuff" - old or new - like a baby. If I thought marriage was a sanctifying process (the first year especially...whew the first year), then being a mommy is sanctification on steroids. Boy oh boy. Day after day it's a struggle for me to find my identity in Jesus Christ and His unconditional acceptance of me...not in whether my daughter rolls over, drinks from a bottle, self-soothes, sleeps in her crib, coos, laughs, and so on. If everything goes "right" one day, I am flying high. If we have a night like last night because I was "feeling behind the other moms" and we are up until 2 AM unnecessarily because I forced something (run-on sentence, I know), then I feel like a complete failure and struggle to keep perspective the next day (today). If you are like, "What the heck, Nicole...seriously? These are the 'issues' (and you are using that word lightly, aren't you?) that you are battling with?" Then you probably aren't a mom (cause I guarantee that even if your "babies" are teeny-tiny, you are still anxious over their schooling, sports, extracurricular activities, appearance, friends, so on). And if you are a mom, please, share your secret to peace...because I can't seem to find it. My insecurity is fueling my incessant need to feel in control of everything and consequently I am impossible to live with. I feel like right now I am in this rat-race to keep up with all of the "other moms" who have it "all-together". Seriously? Who has it all-together? But doesn't it feel like that sometimes ladies...like we are in this race to keep up with each other...well, to have our kids keep up with each other...I guess to have our kids be "ahead of the game" so we can keep up with each other or be one step ahead? Why oh why?

"But God Who is rich in mercy..." I am so thankful for the "But God" moments in my life, aren't you? Jesus, Your mercies are new every morning. I need those mercies today. I need You to cleanse my heart of my pride (all about me), which fuels my insecurity (proving it's all about me), which ignites my need to control (keeping it all about me). I need You to remind me that I am loved, accepted, worthwhile, and secure...not based on being a "good mom" (whatever the h-e-double-hockey-sticks that means), but based on the fact that You came and died on the cross for me proving Your love for me...while I was still in my sin. Forgive me for turning to lesser things right now to feel okay about myself when You are standing there with Your nail-scared hands open offering peace and safety. Forgive me for not enjoying the moment...living in thankfulness...looking up. Help me to see that life is so much bigger than me...it's You. I love You. Amen.  

The Devil in the Mirror

Identity...one of the most powerful concepts in relation to an individual's ability to function as a whole, complete person and to interact with others in a healthy, mutually uplifting way.

Identity is the hinge on which a person's mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health swings. A lost and/or confused identity is the catalyst for every sin, disorder, or complex. Take that to the bank.

Think about it: Nothing causes more anxiety and altercations than getting lost. Am I right? You want to see two loving, godly married people go at it? Put them in the middle of nowhere with a map and one gas station and watch the eruption. The man clings to the map and his pride believing he can in fact save the day. The woman, in desperation, realizes that one quick stop and question can easily clear the confusion and put them back on the straight and narrow.

You see, even getting lost reveals where a person may or may not be finding his/her identity...hence the fight. The man is the protector, right? So, finding his way proves he is capable of living up to his identity as the leader and provider of the home. The woman is the helper. She knows that the best and most efficient help will come from the gas station. However, she is also relational and yearns to be heard. If her husband, in an effort to prove he can live up to his identity of protector, refuses to listen, she feels scorned, panics even more, and now decides to up the anty by demanding (instead of gently suggesting) a stop.

So identity. It's huge.

Paul spends all of Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians dealing with the idea of identity. Paul knows. He knows that these believers who are living in a culturally explosive and seductive time period will be easily swayed to abandon their convictions for love, acceptance, worth and security if not found first and foremost in Christ. He knows that Satan is clever and aware that a simple crack in a believer's identity will ultimately cause the entire fortress of his/her carefully constructed belief system to crumble. Satan knows. So, Paul belabors the subject of a believers identity in Christ. What does it mean to be in Christ? What does is look like? How does it happen?

In Colossians, Paul calls "Christ in you" a mystery. How true is that? I mean, we talk about our identity needing to be in Christ and the fact that it should be easy since He lives in us. But, honestly here, what the heck does that even mean? Paul defines it for us in Colossians 3:1-4...

- Raised with Christ
- Seated with Christ
- Hidden in Christ

Okay...so let me break this down for you. If you were raised with Christ, you had to have died with Christ. Very simply put, when Christ died on the cross for your sins over 2000 years ago, He died for all of your sins: Past, present, and future. Everything thing you do, say, and think has been covered by God's forgiveness. You are set for life. Let that sink in. Seriously. Stop, and think about that for a second. I don't care what you have done in your past or may commit in the future or are contemplating right now, you are FORGIVEN!!! Isaiah says it this way, "You [God] have cast all my sins behind Your [God's] back." David explains it this way, "As far as the east is from the west, so far does He [God] remove our transgressions from us." You can disagree with me, but I would be really careful with disagreeing with Scripture...and God's Word makes it clear...ALL of your sin is covered and forgiven. Period.

But how can that be, you ask? Ah, that's the mystery of Christ in YOU. You see, when Christ died on the cross, your sin and your labels (I could list some, but chances are you don't need me to...your label just came to mind) were nailed to the cross: "God has forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in Him." Those labels, those names you call yourself and the way you see yourself, are demonic. Yeah, that's right, they are from Satan. Otherwise, why would Paul say in that verse "He [God] disarmed the rulers and authorities...putting them to open shame"? He said that because those are the sources of your faulty identity. If Satan can determine how you see yourself, he can control how you see God and how you interact with others.

Come on...are you shocked to figure out that the reason you are so impatient with other people is because you are simply trying to protect yourself and hold your weak facade of an identity together? Are you struggling to forgive someone? That's because you are afraid that he/she/they could possibly get away with what he/she/they did and then ruin you again. Yeah, and you would be ruined because whatever he/she/they could take away from you is what you are basing your identity on. Let me explain it this way: You are finding your love, acceptance, worth and security somewhere. That "somewhere" is your identity. Do the math. You are scared you are going to lose whatever that "somewhere" is. Whoever threatens "that" is who you are out to destroy. Love, patience, forgiveness, kindness...those are obtrusive thoughts to you because those make you weak against the "whoever". So, you develop bitterness and anger as a way to protect yourself from the threat. Yeah, you're tracking with me now.

Okay, so you are forgiven. That's nice. However, we can't stop there. You are seated with Christ. After Christ died on the cross, He sat down at the right hand of God in Heaven. His sitting down is symbolic of saying "I'm done". In other words, Christ did everything that needed to be done for you to be forgiven and to stay forgiven...for all of eternity. In essence, Paul says it is as though you are sitting with Jesus, next to God. You are hanging out in God's throne room. "Wait a minute..." You gasp..."I am not worthy to be up there with Jesus." Uh, yes you are. That's my point. You were forgiven. When God looks at you, He sees Jesus. He sees His perfection. He doesn't see your label. That was nailed to the cross, remember? Jesus sat down. It's over. God disarmed Satan and the demons from using your label as a weapon against you.

But you still feel attacked? Paul explains all through Colossians how important it is to grow in knowledge. Why? Because knowledge opens your eyes to the truth of who you really are in God's eyes and therefore weakens the devil's hold on you.

Frederick Douglass was a black slave who taught himself to read and write. Consequently, he was able to escape from slavery and became a leading advocate for black rights in the North during the Civil War era. He explains that as a child, his slave owner was attempting to teach him to read and to write. However, her husband caught word of the tutoring. He quickly put an end to the lessons. Why? Because knowledge is power. If Douglass was able to read and to write, the dividing lines between whites and blacks would blur. Douglass would realize he too, in fact, is human and endowed to certain "unalienable rights".

Romans says that we have not been "given the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear..." We are adopted into God's family...we have a whole new identity!!! However, Satan uses our lack of knowledge of what that means to keep us tied up in anger and bitterness and enslaved to certain people and situations in effort to protect ourselves.

You are hidden in Christ now. You are safe. He, Who Colossians 1 says is the God of the universe, is your protector. Ultimately, we are all going to die and spend eternity somewhere. Ultimately, all of this crap down here is going to be over and where we end up (either in Heaven or in Hell) is what is going to matter. Keep eternity in mind. "Set your minds on things above", Colossians 3:2 states. Realize, what Jesus did on the cross 2000 years ago defines you. Shut Satan up. He doesn't deserve your time, or your identity.

More on this later.

The Other Woman Part 2

"God is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

If you have ever felt abandoned, even in the slightest sense, you have felt utterly broken. Abandonment speaks to the deepest part of us that we are worthless. A sense of worthlessness breeds hopelessness. Hopelessness crushes the spirit. Praise God He is close to and the Savior of the Abandoned!

"I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all of my fears." Psalm 34:4

Fear is the ball and chain that keeps a person locked in the stronghold of rejection (Abandonment). I want to pause here and get you to think about this...many times we think that the only way to be abandoned or rejected is at the hands of another person. This isn't entirely true. We can also feel abandoned when our ideal of what a family should be crumbles, when our belief system is challenged and doesn't hold up, when a group of people we thought should have handled a situation differently didn't. Countless people have been crushed by broken dreams, faulty religions, hypocritical churches, repeated failure, unfair circumstances, depression, legalism, cancer, and on and on the list goes.

Fear is perpetuated by the constant rehearsal of "What if?" and "If only?"

What if I stay alone?
What if my kids don't choose Jesus?
What if he leaves me?
What if I am wrongfully judged for something out of my control?
What if I can't make it as a single mom?
What if I ruin my family's reputation?
What if someone finds out who I really am?
What if I can't make it in ministry?
What if I do something stupid and can't correct it?
What if I can't cut it?

If only I knew back then what I know now...
If only I could go back ten years...
If only I could tell him/her what I really am thinking...
If only I hadn't married him...
If only I had been there...
If only I had made that promotion...
If only I hadn't gotten pregnant so soon...
If only I had finished my degree...
If only I had a different personality...
If only I were more talented...

Wow...I have to be honest, just reading through those gives me a slight panic attack. God will deliver us from all of our fears, we just have to look to Him.

"Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good. Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!" Psalm 34:5, 8

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart...It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones." Proverbs 3:5, 8
My question is, who are you feeding? You have two women...the one who is Abandoned and the one who is longing for Acceptance. If you feed Abandonment with fear ("What if?" and "If only?"), you will stay locked in the stronghold of rejection. However, if you call to Jesus in the midst of the fear and look to Him and His almighty power that is available to free you from the darkest of strongholds through faith, and if you feast on His goodness to you by sending His Son to die on the the cross so He could have a relationship with you, you will be freed!

We have to renew our minds. We have to walk in Radical Truth if we seek freedom. Cling to Jesus and the Truth His Word speaks over your life. Feed on Truth, not on fear.

The Other Woman

Catchy title, huh? Were you hoping for something scandalous? Well, don't be disappointed. You may not realize this, but each of us has an "Other Woman" who is attempting to sabotage our friendships, marriages, children, careers, ministries...really, our entire lives. Who is She?

She doesn't live across the street, but She comes over to your house regularly. You don't talk to her, but She goes to your church. You would never invite her out for coffee or lunch, but She shows up uninvited all of the time. She spends more time with your husband, friends, and your children than you would like. She wrecks the perfect day and steals the joy from any memory. Who is She?

Look in the mirror. If you stare closely enough, you'll see her. She's you.

Women are unique. We are complicated. We are messy. Let's just face the facts. Since the Garden of Eden, we have wanted the control and have bought into every lie in order to obtain control. One of those lies is that we cannot be broken, weak, or vulnerable. The only problem is, because of the sin invested world we live in, we will experience one of these emotions, and most likely at the hands of someone we trusted deeply. So what do you we do? What any good daughter of Eve would do...we stuff those feelings deep down inside and they develop a life, literally a life, of their own. She is the Other Woman.

So often we don't even know She is there. But if you pay closer attention, you will begin to see the figure of a woman emerge from the shadows of pain.

When you live vicariously through your children because you feel like you missed out on something or your life is just so boring, She's there.

When your life centers around your fashion, your cooking, and your decorations, She's there.

When you are scared to death to get to know people and to build intimate relationships, She's there.

When you hide behind activity and ministry because you want to be noticed, She's there.

When you experience bouts of depression, She's there.

When you are suspicious of every person in your life, She's there.

When you can't explain your anxiety or your fear, She's there.

When you think God is out to get you, She's there.

When you can't enjoy God's goodness because you are preparing for the next storm, She's there.

Do you see her? I sure do. If I had children, I could say I can see her in every one of those confessions. She specializes in "What if?" and "If only..." She goes by many names...but her favorite is "Abandonment". Each of us has experienced Abandonment in some way. Usually, the pain is so deep, we do what we can to bury it and escape it. However, any time we feel overlooked, ignored, replaced, mistreated, or hurt, we subconsciously feed Abandonment. The Bible says "a broken spirit dries up the bones." Abandonment breaks our spirits and if we don't allow God to heal us, we will dry up. We have too many dried up woman in our homes, work places, churches, gyms, and schools. How do we experience healing?

Stay tuned.

Do I Have Any Rights? Part 2

So today I read John 1:11-13:

"He came to His own, and His own people did not receive Him. But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God, Who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God."

How awesome is that? The day after I am convicted about feeling as though I am entitled to certain rights from God and from others, I realize that I do have one divine right to center my entire life around:

I have the right to be a child of God.Amazing. What does this mean? Romans 8 breaks it down for me. The following facts need to be ingrained into my heart and mind over and over again because I am up against Satan, the Adversary. He will use every manipulation and deception possible to steer me away from the most powerful truth in all of Scripture: I have Christ's life inside of me because I am a child of God. What does this mean practically?

1. I am no longer condemned by sin and Satan, or God Himself. God condemned sin in His Son on the cross so that the righteous requirement of the law is fulfilled...in me!!! Let that sink in for a minute. v.1-8

2. I am in the Spirit. The Spirit of Life (the Holy Spirit - Who is God) - Who raised Christ from the dead - dwells in me!!! Again, pause and reflect. You don't need to feel this...you probably can't feel this...just believe it...by faith! Remember, Hebrews says it is impossible to please God without faith. v. 9-10

3. I am not in debt to sin. I don't owe, am not tied to or enslaved to sin. In other words, I don't have to sin anymore! How freeing! v.11-14

4. I am a child of God. I am not enslaved to fear or to sin. I am not a child of Satan, who is the Father of lies. I have the right to call myself a Child of God, and an heir of all that God has (read Ephesians 1 and Colossians 1). v.15-17

These truths will revolutionize our lives...if we grab a hold of them by faith and constantly remind ourselves of them when we are tempted to believe otherwise. I am a child of God. I have that right. By faith, I am claiming this right today, and everyday, from now till eternity.

Do I Have Any Rights? Part 1

I am not going to lie...I often believe I have rights. I mean, be honest, don't you? If you are thinking, "No, I really don't." Than riddle me this: Why do you get hurt, angry, stressed, or depressed? Because...you think you are entitled to certain outcomes, and when you don't get those outcomes, all Hell breaks lose. You with me? Personally, this is precisely why I struggle to forgive, to extend grace, and to surrender to God. I feel like He owes me and so do people. How arrogant of me! No wonder there are times in my life when it feels like God is against me...James 4 explains He is directly opposed to the proud - but intimately close to the humble. Yikes.

I was reading in Job yesterday. Here's a dude that has it all...a big family, a lot of money, a huge tent (equivalent to house...haha...for some reason that cracked me up), and a loaded camel (car - funny to me too...sorry). In Job 1:6-12, God calls Satan into His Throne Room and basically challenges Satan to a duel. Let this sink in for a second...God is so confident in His character and sovereignty, that He gives Satan permission to utterly destroy Job's life. Wait a minute...come again? Yeah, God, in His confident sovereignty and immutability, believes enough in His own goodness to tell Satan to wreck Job. I am not sure if you are frightened or comforted by that thought. In a strange way, I am frighteningly comforted. Here is the crazy thing...God is also confident enough in Job's character to know that he will rely on God's fixed and stable character to define his circumstances and not to allow the circumstances to define God's character. Wow.

In verses 13-19, four servants inform Job, one after the other mind you, that everything he has was just destroyed. Everything. Gone. In a matter of minutes. What Job does next hit me hard yesterday..."He fell to the ground and worshipped." I just had to stop typing for a second and take a deep breath. Wow. He explains, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord."

We have heard that verse a thousand times, haven't we? But think about what Job is saying here. He realized he is entitled to nothing (he came into the world naked - with nothing - and would leave naked - with nothing), but that God is the Sovereign Creator and entitled to everything...even worship during a disastrous season.

Here's the crazy thing...Job admits in 2:10 that he and his wife have experienced "evil", which literally means "disaster", from God. However, Job questions, "Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" Job had a proper view of life because He had a proper view of God. God's character defined Job's circumstances. God's character defined how Job viewed himself. God's character kept Job alive when death looked more promising.

Job's view of God and of life was counter-cultural. In fact, in light of all that has just happened to Job, his wife questions God and Job's friends question his character...they think he sinned! What?! Job just clung to the truth: "I am allotted months of emptiness, and nights of misery are appointed to me..." God allowed this season, and Job accepted it as from His hand...pain and all...resting in His sovereign, good, character.

Amen and selah.