Catchy title, huh? Were you hoping for something scandalous? Well, don't be disappointed. You may not realize this, but each of us has an "Other Woman" who is attempting to sabotage our friendships, marriages, children, careers, ministries...really, our entire lives. Who is She?
She doesn't live across the street, but She comes over to your house regularly. You don't talk to her, but She goes to your church. You would never invite her out for coffee or lunch, but She shows up uninvited all of the time. She spends more time with your husband, friends, and your children than you would like. She wrecks the perfect day and steals the joy from any memory. Who is She?
Look in the mirror. If you stare closely enough, you'll see her. She's you.
Women are unique. We are complicated. We are messy. Let's just face the facts. Since the Garden of Eden, we have wanted the control and have bought into every lie in order to obtain control. One of those lies is that we cannot be broken, weak, or vulnerable. The only problem is, because of the sin invested world we live in, we will experience one of these emotions, and most likely at the hands of someone we trusted deeply. So what do you we do? What any good daughter of Eve would do...we stuff those feelings deep down inside and they develop a life, literally a life, of their own. She is the Other Woman.
So often we don't even know She is there. But if you pay closer attention, you will begin to see the figure of a woman emerge from the shadows of pain.
When you live vicariously through your children because you feel like you missed out on something or your life is just so boring, She's there.
When your life centers around your fashion, your cooking, and your decorations, She's there.
When you are scared to death to get to know people and to build intimate relationships, She's there.
When you hide behind activity and ministry because you want to be noticed, She's there.
When you experience bouts of depression, She's there.
When you are suspicious of every person in your life, She's there.
When you can't explain your anxiety or your fear, She's there.
When you think God is out to get you, She's there.
When you can't enjoy God's goodness because you are preparing for the next storm, She's there.
Do you see her? I sure do. If I had children, I could say I can see her in every one of those confessions. She specializes in "What if?" and "If only..." She goes by many names...but her favorite is "Abandonment". Each of us has experienced Abandonment in some way. Usually, the pain is so deep, we do what we can to bury it and escape it. However, any time we feel overlooked, ignored, replaced, mistreated, or hurt, we subconsciously feed Abandonment. The Bible says "a broken spirit dries up the bones." Abandonment breaks our spirits and if we don't allow God to heal us, we will dry up. We have too many dried up woman in our homes, work places, churches, gyms, and schools. How do we experience healing?
Stay tuned.
September 7, 2011
Do I Have Any Rights? Part 2
So today I read John 1:11-13:
"He came to His own, and His own people did not receive Him. But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God, Who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God."
How awesome is that? The day after I am convicted about feeling as though I am entitled to certain rights from God and from others, I realize that I do have one divine right to center my entire life around:
I have the right to be a child of God.Amazing. What does this mean? Romans 8 breaks it down for me. The following facts need to be ingrained into my heart and mind over and over again because I am up against Satan, the Adversary. He will use every manipulation and deception possible to steer me away from the most powerful truth in all of Scripture: I have Christ's life inside of me because I am a child of God. What does this mean practically?
1. I am no longer condemned by sin and Satan, or God Himself. God condemned sin in His Son on the cross so that the righteous requirement of the law is fulfilled...in me!!! Let that sink in for a minute. v.1-8
2. I am in the Spirit. The Spirit of Life (the Holy Spirit - Who is God) - Who raised Christ from the dead - dwells in me!!! Again, pause and reflect. You don't need to feel this...you probably can't feel this...just believe it...by faith! Remember, Hebrews says it is impossible to please God without faith. v. 9-10
3. I am not in debt to sin. I don't owe, am not tied to or enslaved to sin. In other words, I don't have to sin anymore! How freeing! v.11-14
4. I am a child of God. I am not enslaved to fear or to sin. I am not a child of Satan, who is the Father of lies. I have the right to call myself a Child of God, and an heir of all that God has (read Ephesians 1 and Colossians 1). v.15-17
These truths will revolutionize our lives...if we grab a hold of them by faith and constantly remind ourselves of them when we are tempted to believe otherwise. I am a child of God. I have that right. By faith, I am claiming this right today, and everyday, from now till eternity.
"He came to His own, and His own people did not receive Him. But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God, Who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God."
How awesome is that? The day after I am convicted about feeling as though I am entitled to certain rights from God and from others, I realize that I do have one divine right to center my entire life around:
I have the right to be a child of God.Amazing. What does this mean? Romans 8 breaks it down for me. The following facts need to be ingrained into my heart and mind over and over again because I am up against Satan, the Adversary. He will use every manipulation and deception possible to steer me away from the most powerful truth in all of Scripture: I have Christ's life inside of me because I am a child of God. What does this mean practically?
1. I am no longer condemned by sin and Satan, or God Himself. God condemned sin in His Son on the cross so that the righteous requirement of the law is fulfilled...in me!!! Let that sink in for a minute. v.1-8
2. I am in the Spirit. The Spirit of Life (the Holy Spirit - Who is God) - Who raised Christ from the dead - dwells in me!!! Again, pause and reflect. You don't need to feel this...you probably can't feel this...just believe it...by faith! Remember, Hebrews says it is impossible to please God without faith. v. 9-10
3. I am not in debt to sin. I don't owe, am not tied to or enslaved to sin. In other words, I don't have to sin anymore! How freeing! v.11-14
4. I am a child of God. I am not enslaved to fear or to sin. I am not a child of Satan, who is the Father of lies. I have the right to call myself a Child of God, and an heir of all that God has (read Ephesians 1 and Colossians 1). v.15-17
These truths will revolutionize our lives...if we grab a hold of them by faith and constantly remind ourselves of them when we are tempted to believe otherwise. I am a child of God. I have that right. By faith, I am claiming this right today, and everyday, from now till eternity.
August 10, 2011
Do I Have Any Rights? Part 1
I am not going to lie...I often believe I have rights. I mean, be honest, don't you? If you are thinking, "No, I really don't." Than riddle me this: Why do you get hurt, angry, stressed, or depressed? Because...you think you are entitled to certain outcomes, and when you don't get those outcomes, all Hell breaks lose. You with me? Personally, this is precisely why I struggle to forgive, to extend grace, and to surrender to God. I feel like He owes me and so do people. How arrogant of me! No wonder there are times in my life when it feels like God is against me...James 4 explains He is directly opposed to the proud - but intimately close to the humble. Yikes.
I was reading in Job yesterday. Here's a dude that has it all...a big family, a lot of money, a huge tent (equivalent to house...haha...for some reason that cracked me up), and a loaded camel (car - funny to me too...sorry). In Job 1:6-12, God calls Satan into His Throne Room and basically challenges Satan to a duel. Let this sink in for a second...God is so confident in His character and sovereignty, that He gives Satan permission to utterly destroy Job's life. Wait a minute...come again? Yeah, God, in His confident sovereignty and immutability, believes enough in His own goodness to tell Satan to wreck Job. I am not sure if you are frightened or comforted by that thought. In a strange way, I am frighteningly comforted. Here is the crazy thing...God is also confident enough in Job's character to know that he will rely on God's fixed and stable character to define his circumstances and not to allow the circumstances to define God's character. Wow.
In verses 13-19, four servants inform Job, one after the other mind you, that everything he has was just destroyed. Everything. Gone. In a matter of minutes. What Job does next hit me hard yesterday..."He fell to the ground and worshipped." I just had to stop typing for a second and take a deep breath. Wow. He explains, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord."
We have heard that verse a thousand times, haven't we? But think about what Job is saying here. He realized he is entitled to nothing (he came into the world naked - with nothing - and would leave naked - with nothing), but that God is the Sovereign Creator and entitled to everything...even worship during a disastrous season.
Here's the crazy thing...Job admits in 2:10 that he and his wife have experienced "evil", which literally means "disaster", from God. However, Job questions, "Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" Job had a proper view of life because He had a proper view of God. God's character defined Job's circumstances. God's character defined how Job viewed himself. God's character kept Job alive when death looked more promising.
Job's view of God and of life was counter-cultural. In fact, in light of all that has just happened to Job, his wife questions God and Job's friends question his character...they think he sinned! What?! Job just clung to the truth: "I am allotted months of emptiness, and nights of misery are appointed to me..." God allowed this season, and Job accepted it as from His hand...pain and all...resting in His sovereign, good, character.
Amen and selah.
I was reading in Job yesterday. Here's a dude that has it all...a big family, a lot of money, a huge tent (equivalent to house...haha...for some reason that cracked me up), and a loaded camel (car - funny to me too...sorry). In Job 1:6-12, God calls Satan into His Throne Room and basically challenges Satan to a duel. Let this sink in for a second...God is so confident in His character and sovereignty, that He gives Satan permission to utterly destroy Job's life. Wait a minute...come again? Yeah, God, in His confident sovereignty and immutability, believes enough in His own goodness to tell Satan to wreck Job. I am not sure if you are frightened or comforted by that thought. In a strange way, I am frighteningly comforted. Here is the crazy thing...God is also confident enough in Job's character to know that he will rely on God's fixed and stable character to define his circumstances and not to allow the circumstances to define God's character. Wow.
In verses 13-19, four servants inform Job, one after the other mind you, that everything he has was just destroyed. Everything. Gone. In a matter of minutes. What Job does next hit me hard yesterday..."He fell to the ground and worshipped." I just had to stop typing for a second and take a deep breath. Wow. He explains, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord."
We have heard that verse a thousand times, haven't we? But think about what Job is saying here. He realized he is entitled to nothing (he came into the world naked - with nothing - and would leave naked - with nothing), but that God is the Sovereign Creator and entitled to everything...even worship during a disastrous season.
Here's the crazy thing...Job admits in 2:10 that he and his wife have experienced "evil", which literally means "disaster", from God. However, Job questions, "Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" Job had a proper view of life because He had a proper view of God. God's character defined Job's circumstances. God's character defined how Job viewed himself. God's character kept Job alive when death looked more promising.
Job's view of God and of life was counter-cultural. In fact, in light of all that has just happened to Job, his wife questions God and Job's friends question his character...they think he sinned! What?! Job just clung to the truth: "I am allotted months of emptiness, and nights of misery are appointed to me..." God allowed this season, and Job accepted it as from His hand...pain and all...resting in His sovereign, good, character.
Amen and selah.
July 7, 2011
Playing the Clown Part 2
So I can't get past the life changing message in 2 Chronicles 20 (who would have ever guessed there was such awesome stuff in Chronicles? Who even knows where Chronicles is in the OT?).
To get caught up with this blog, read "Playing the Clown" below. We know that King Jehoshaphat is up against an army he cannot defeat. He cries out to God and makes the statement: "We are powerless against this great horde...we do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you."
God responds: "The battle is not yours but God's...You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf." Wow. I can't get over God's answer. He says in essence, "You can't do it. You will fail. Watch me do my thing."
In The Complete Green Letters by Miles J. Stanford, I read: "If I am to be like Him, then God in His grace must do it; and the sooner I come to recognize it, the sooner I will be delivered from another form of bondage. Throw down every endeavor and say, 'I cannot do it; the more I try, the farther I get from His likeness.' What shall I do? 'Ah', the Holy Spirit says, 'You cannot do it; just withdraw; come out of it. You have been in the arena; you have been endeavoring; you are a failure; come out and sit down; and as you sit there, behold Him, look at Him. Don't try to be like Him, just look at Him. Just be occupied with Him. Forget about tyring to be like Him. Instead of letting that fill your mind and heart, let Him fill it. Look upon Him through the Word. Come to the Word for one purpose and that is to meet the Lord. Not to get your mind crammed full of things about the sacred Word, just come to it to meet the Lord.'"
God wanted to show off to His people. He knew that they could not do anything on their own; only He is self-sufficient. He wanted to prove this to them. So what were they to do during the battle if they weren't going to fight?
2 Chronicles 20:21: "And Jehoshaphat appointed those who were to sing to the LORD and praise Him in holy attire, as they went before the army, and say, 'Give thanks to the LORD, for His steadfast love endures forever."
The army simply praised God! And God blessed...He "gave rest all around".
I love this story because it proves what I know intellectually, but need to be reminded of emotionally. I can do nothing. I am simply a branch. I need to once and for all own my position as resting in the Vine (John 15). The Vine gives the nutrients. The Vine causes the growth. The Vine protects, sustains, and fortifies. The Vine does all the work. I sit there and glean. I praise. I show off the Vine's glory by producing the fruit the Vine gives. I just am because I am a part of the Almighty I Am.
Selah.
To get caught up with this blog, read "Playing the Clown" below. We know that King Jehoshaphat is up against an army he cannot defeat. He cries out to God and makes the statement: "We are powerless against this great horde...we do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you."
God responds: "The battle is not yours but God's...You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf." Wow. I can't get over God's answer. He says in essence, "You can't do it. You will fail. Watch me do my thing."
In The Complete Green Letters by Miles J. Stanford, I read: "If I am to be like Him, then God in His grace must do it; and the sooner I come to recognize it, the sooner I will be delivered from another form of bondage. Throw down every endeavor and say, 'I cannot do it; the more I try, the farther I get from His likeness.' What shall I do? 'Ah', the Holy Spirit says, 'You cannot do it; just withdraw; come out of it. You have been in the arena; you have been endeavoring; you are a failure; come out and sit down; and as you sit there, behold Him, look at Him. Don't try to be like Him, just look at Him. Just be occupied with Him. Forget about tyring to be like Him. Instead of letting that fill your mind and heart, let Him fill it. Look upon Him through the Word. Come to the Word for one purpose and that is to meet the Lord. Not to get your mind crammed full of things about the sacred Word, just come to it to meet the Lord.'"
God wanted to show off to His people. He knew that they could not do anything on their own; only He is self-sufficient. He wanted to prove this to them. So what were they to do during the battle if they weren't going to fight?
2 Chronicles 20:21: "And Jehoshaphat appointed those who were to sing to the LORD and praise Him in holy attire, as they went before the army, and say, 'Give thanks to the LORD, for His steadfast love endures forever."
The army simply praised God! And God blessed...He "gave rest all around".
I love this story because it proves what I know intellectually, but need to be reminded of emotionally. I can do nothing. I am simply a branch. I need to once and for all own my position as resting in the Vine (John 15). The Vine gives the nutrients. The Vine causes the growth. The Vine protects, sustains, and fortifies. The Vine does all the work. I sit there and glean. I praise. I show off the Vine's glory by producing the fruit the Vine gives. I just am because I am a part of the Almighty I Am.
Selah.
July 6, 2011
Playing the Clown
Why is it so hard for me to accept that God does not need me? I mean, over the past three weeks I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to get things done. I am exhausted emotionally, physically, and spiritually...emphasis on the emotional.
There is nothing wrong with being busy. Business is a part of life. But my "business" is self-inflicted as a way to find identity. Let's backtrack here for a second...
June 10th: I lose my job (I asked for a part-time position, they don't have any available...bummer).
June 12-15th: I go to the beach with my husband.
June 16th-19th: I clean and organize at home.
June 20th: I jump both feet into a new job.
June 21-24th: I eat, drink, and sleep this new job.
June 25th till now: I have tried to juggle being a pastor's wife, business woman, heath nut, family person, and a believer. I am a bad juggler. I am exhausted.
Honestly, the downhill spiral effect happened after I lost my job. I placed my identity, my confidence, and my pride in my job. No job. No identity. Insert downward spiral. Pathetic, but true (and it sucks that the way that I process is by writing...now all of you know my secret battles. Crap).
You know you are placing your identity in something/someone other than Jesus Christ if you are playing a clown at a circus and juggling. God never meant for us to "juggle" our lives. What is that verse in Matthew 11:28? "My yoke is easy and my burden light." Nothing in there about juggling, anxiety, exhaustion. Just "easy" and "light". Must be nice.
In 2 Chronicles 20, I read that King Jehoshaphat (crazy name) is in a war that he knows he will not win...on his own. He turns to God and cries out for help: "You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. In your hand are power and might, so that none is able to withstand You...We are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You." Wow. To have the courage that Jehoshaphat had to admit that he was nothing apart from God...
Here is God's response: "Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God's...You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the LORD will be with you."
I love that word "tomorrow". Why? Because today and the past few weeks I have skrewed up. I have thought that God needed me...because I need to be needed. Feel me? I have so many fears and insecurities that I try to temper by being needed, which in my mind is a sure way to evade abandonment. Then I read this by A.W. Tozer: "This truth [that God is self-sufficient and needs no-one], while a needed rebuke to human self-confidence [ouch], will when viewed in its Biblical perspective lift from our minds the exhausting load of mortality and encourage us to take the easy yoke of Christ and spend ourselves in Spirit-inspired toil for the honor of God and the good of mankind. For the blessed news is that the God who needs no one has in sovereign condescension stooped to work by and in and through His obedient children...In the meanwhile our inner fulfillment lies in loving obedience to the commandments of Christ and the inspired admonitions of His apostles. 'It is God which worketh in you.' He needs no one, but when faith is present He works through anyone."
Why faith? Because I have to have faith that God is going to come through for me. Unbelief, Tozer says, is a deadly sin because I am believing in myself, not God. Do I really believe God has got this...whatever the "this" may be in my life at any given time? If so, I will allow Him to dictate my day ("Spirit-inspired toil for the honor of God") and I will be freed up to love and to serve other people ("the good of mankind").
Rest: a word so foreign to me, but the obvious mark that a person has surrendered to the Self-Sufficiency of God and has placed all faith in the fact that God is sovereign and can be trusted and will come through for those Who wait on Him.
Okay...time to put my money where my mouth is. Clown make-up is coming off.
There is nothing wrong with being busy. Business is a part of life. But my "business" is self-inflicted as a way to find identity. Let's backtrack here for a second...
June 10th: I lose my job (I asked for a part-time position, they don't have any available...bummer).
June 12-15th: I go to the beach with my husband.
June 16th-19th: I clean and organize at home.
June 20th: I jump both feet into a new job.
June 21-24th: I eat, drink, and sleep this new job.
June 25th till now: I have tried to juggle being a pastor's wife, business woman, heath nut, family person, and a believer. I am a bad juggler. I am exhausted.
Honestly, the downhill spiral effect happened after I lost my job. I placed my identity, my confidence, and my pride in my job. No job. No identity. Insert downward spiral. Pathetic, but true (and it sucks that the way that I process is by writing...now all of you know my secret battles. Crap).
You know you are placing your identity in something/someone other than Jesus Christ if you are playing a clown at a circus and juggling. God never meant for us to "juggle" our lives. What is that verse in Matthew 11:28? "My yoke is easy and my burden light." Nothing in there about juggling, anxiety, exhaustion. Just "easy" and "light". Must be nice.
In 2 Chronicles 20, I read that King Jehoshaphat (crazy name) is in a war that he knows he will not win...on his own. He turns to God and cries out for help: "You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. In your hand are power and might, so that none is able to withstand You...We are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You." Wow. To have the courage that Jehoshaphat had to admit that he was nothing apart from God...
Here is God's response: "Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God's...You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the LORD will be with you."
I love that word "tomorrow". Why? Because today and the past few weeks I have skrewed up. I have thought that God needed me...because I need to be needed. Feel me? I have so many fears and insecurities that I try to temper by being needed, which in my mind is a sure way to evade abandonment. Then I read this by A.W. Tozer: "This truth [that God is self-sufficient and needs no-one], while a needed rebuke to human self-confidence [ouch], will when viewed in its Biblical perspective lift from our minds the exhausting load of mortality and encourage us to take the easy yoke of Christ and spend ourselves in Spirit-inspired toil for the honor of God and the good of mankind. For the blessed news is that the God who needs no one has in sovereign condescension stooped to work by and in and through His obedient children...In the meanwhile our inner fulfillment lies in loving obedience to the commandments of Christ and the inspired admonitions of His apostles. 'It is God which worketh in you.' He needs no one, but when faith is present He works through anyone."
Why faith? Because I have to have faith that God is going to come through for me. Unbelief, Tozer says, is a deadly sin because I am believing in myself, not God. Do I really believe God has got this...whatever the "this" may be in my life at any given time? If so, I will allow Him to dictate my day ("Spirit-inspired toil for the honor of God") and I will be freed up to love and to serve other people ("the good of mankind").
Rest: a word so foreign to me, but the obvious mark that a person has surrendered to the Self-Sufficiency of God and has placed all faith in the fact that God is sovereign and can be trusted and will come through for those Who wait on Him.
Okay...time to put my money where my mouth is. Clown make-up is coming off.
June 16, 2011
Redeeming Your Past
These past couple of months, I have been reading through the book Captivating with the ladies from my church. It has been a heart wrenching study. The statistics say that in most churches, ¼ women have been abused in some way. Well, on any given week, I sit in a circle of 8-10 women, each one an abuse victim. I want to add that this group was not designated as a “Recovery Group” or anything of the sort. The small group is named and advertised as a “Ladies Bible Study”. Sobering.
I say all that to say that if you have read Captivating, you know it walks women through the somewhat painful process of recognizing wounds, facing wounds, and healing from wounds. Week after week, women shared their stories. Dark stories. Stories that left me emotionally drained. I praise God, however, that the stories were shared. Satan loses his power to accuse and shame when the truth is brought to the light. God’s Truth can then penetrate the pain and set the wounded free!
This is our final week in the study (I am a little relieved…we need to move on, amen?!). However, I have discovered a couple of interesting insights as we have worked through this study that I want to list really quickly and hit on in-depth later…
- Our wounds are a sort of baggage that we carry and use as a form protection in the way of justification for certain behaviors. Let that sink in for a second. God’s responsibility is to open our eyes to our wounds; our responsibility is to deal with our wounds (read “Living Wounded or With our Wounds”). We deal by either carrying them around with us as a sort of justification for “why I am the way I am”; or, we acknowledge the hurt and the pain and then deal with the wound Biblically: through forgiveness (read “Forgive, Forgiving, Forgiven”). I don’t have to tell you which of the above two options is more emotionally taxing and physically exhausting…you already know.
- “Security is not found in the absence of danger, but in the presence of Jesus.” We allow our wounds to define us out of fear. We are afraid. “Your lingering disbelief that anything important hangs on your life is only evidence of the long assault on your heart by the one who knows who you could be and fears you.” Who is this “one”? Satan. He is a liar (John 8) and he is out to destroy you (1 Peter 5). If he can get you to believe that you are safer carrying around your wounds, if he can convince you that you are worthless because of your wounds, if he can talk you into believing you will never experience healing from your wounds, he has destroyed you and won. The only way to defeat him is to draw near to Jesus…preach the Gospel to yourself. Remember He died for you, He forgives you, He loves you, He wants you.
- To redeem our past, we must believe in the transcendence of God. Some of us really struggle with looking back. Hindsight isn’t only 20/20, it sucks. Trust me, I know. However, I have to say this…I was talking with Bryant the other day and he said, “Nicole, can’t you look back though and see that God has been with you every step of the way? He was there…He was leading…He has brought you to this point.” I have to be honest…I don’t always like to think that God was present at every moment in my past, some of it is embarrassing and I wish He wasn’t looking and some of it is so painful I am angry He didn’t step in. But, when I stop for a second and think about where He has me now and when I dwell on all of the blessings He has brought into me life (not because of what I have done, obviously, but because of Who He is), I can’t help but stand amazed and grateful. Have I always been able to say that? No. Healing is a process. I am still in the process, as I am sure you are too. We are moving forward. But, and there are a lot of “buts”, God is with us…right here…right now. You may not see Him, feel Him, hear Him, or believe Him, but I promise you…He is there. Cling to the facts…keep moving forward. Don’t look back until God lets you know it is time…when will that be? I don’t know…He does and He will make it clear to you. In the meantime, just keep telling yourself, “God is here and He loves me.” Simple statements, powerful truths.
May 31, 2011
Teen Dating: Teaching Rules or the Gospel?
I was asked to write a blog defining certain terms related to teenage dating. I am a little nervous to address this topic because I am pretty sure that my perspective is going to be very different than most. But, I was asked and this is my blog, so here goes! J
First, the hair stands up on the back of my neck whenever I am asked to “define terms”, because usually the only reason why we want a clear definition is so we can slap it down on someone as a rule. Rules are much easier to delineate to students. Why? Because rules are black and white and safe. However, rules are the reasons our students are flocking away from the church in epidemic numbers. They are sick of being told what to do, especially when what they are told flies in the face of culture and doesn’t make sense.
Now, a little caveat here: If we are living lives according to Scripture, we will be counter-cultural. However, it won’t be because we are following a list of rules. Culture follows rules. Think about it: rules of dress, rules of interaction, rules of business, marriage, buying and selling. Rules are not the answer. An intimate relationship with Jesus Christ is the answer. But we don’t teach that. Why? Because grace is dangerous. If we are more concerned about teaching our students the implications of the fact that Jesus Christ lives inside of them and is their life, then they will make the right decisions in their dating lives, and in every other aspect of their lives for that matter.
However, if you teach grace, your teens may slip up. What do we do? What Jesus did…remind them of the Prodigal Son…God still wants an intimate relationship with them. God still pursues them. God still accepts them. They are still forgiven, cleansed, and in fellowship with God.
Our students don’t need rules or definitions. They need the Gospel. What is the Gospel? Jesus Christ took our sin and God’s wrath upon Himself. All of our sin: past, present, future. All of God’s wrath. Everything. Jesus Christ paid it all. When I accepted His payment for my sin, the Bible says Christ comes to live inside of me. When God looks at me, He sees Jesus. He sees righteousness, perfection, wholeness. Therefore, it would be unjust of God to be angry with me or to punish me for something that was taken care of 2000 years ago by His Son. More than that, He cannot disown or be out of fellowship with His Son. So, He does not disown or shun me when I sin. He runs to me. He wants me to see that what I chose over Him can never satisfy or love me the way He does. My sin makes Him more attractive.
That is your job as a youth leader: Make Jesus attractive. I can go ahead and tell you right now that as a whole, we are doing a poor job of this. Our rules and lists are suffocating our students. Jesus never suffocated His followers. He loved them. He patiently taught them truth, yes. However, He was gracious when they failed. We need to allow Him to express His life through us so our students get the Gospel.
One more thing: I am not saying not to give guidelines. But, ask yourself this: Am I glorifying rules or Jesus? The answer to that question will tell you everything you need to know.
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