Submission Means Security

"You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."

-1 Peter 3:6

I love how realistic the NIV is: “Do not give way to fear”. In other words, we as women are going to fear. What was Eve’s first sin? The sin of mistrust…the fear that God was holding out on her. She even stepped over her husband and took matters into her own hands. Sound familiar? We are predestined to be fearful and anxious and I love that God knows that. I think that is why this phrasing in 1 Peter 3 is so precise: “Don’t give in to the feeling…cause after all, that’s all it is…a feeling.” And feelings distort reality.

Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Be anxious for nothing…” God knew we would be bent toward anxiety, so He very clearly says to just stop it and to not even go there. Matthew 6:34 explains that we are not to be anxious about tomorrow. Stop for a second and think about how much of your anxiety is about what could happen in the future…the “what if’s”. I am so guilty of this! All of my anxiety and fear is about potential, terrible circumstances that could happen in the future. I am commanded by Scripture not to do this, but to think about what is real right now. I am commanded by Jesus to live in the moment. We are to come before God and leave our anxiety about the future with Him…choosing to be thankful about the past and present. Then, His peace comes and comforts us. You have eradicated the anxiety. All that is left is God’s presence and peace. Pretty cool.

Psalm 141:8 states that God will not leave us defenseless. I can rest in His sovereignty. He is my Protector and has given me my husband to be my protector with skin on. I have to trust God and submit to my husband for our  marriage to work the way it was designed by God. To step out from under my husband and to sin (my way of meeting my needs apart from God) is to bring chaos into my life. Yikes.

“Submission is the single-most precious place of safety and freedom that a woman could ever know. Deep belief and complete trust in Jesus to sustain a wife makes submission to even the most difficult man possible.”

Praise God I am not married to a "difficult man". I am married to an amazingly godly man. However, I am a difficult woman given to fear and anxiety. I need to practice living in the moment and submitting...submitting to God and to my husband. That is where the safety is.

Some resources for further study:

Matt Chandler’s “Marriage and Sanctification” podcast

Mark Driscoll’s “Marriage and Men” and “Marriage and Women” podcasts

“The Resurgence” blog (Mark Driscoll)

Chip Ingram’s podcasts

True Confessions

So this has been an interesting week. Bryant and I were talking after church on Sunday about how we can feel a heaviness on our people's hearts. Last night at Ladies Bible Study, the heaviness was prevalent...and this time, it was in my own heart. It's interesting to me how the body of Christ tends to face the same things at the same times...ironic or Supernatural? God knows we need each other. Just as Moses needed Aaron and the other leaders of the Israelites to hold up his arms during battle, we need our brothers and sisters in Christ to help us stand up in the face of Adversity.

However, last night, I was struggling with my own views of God, and then I was supposed to lead a Bible Study. Awesome. This morning as I was driving to school, I realized that I needed a good dose of the Truth. I am wondering if anyone else does. So here it goes.

Bryant told me the other day that if Satan can thwart our views of God, Satan can ultimately destroy us. Wow. That is a sobering thought. I have to be on guard with how I view God and am interacting with Him as a result. However, two really good questions were raised last night as to how we are to hash out our relationships with God.

1. Why would God allow Satan the chance to influence us negatively toward Him (God)?
2. Why does God ask for all of our trust and then sometimes disappoint us with His answers?

Two really good, tough, necessary questions to ask.

1. God has given us free will. Our free will is the ultimate gift and sign of His unconditional love for us. Why? Because He proves over and over again that He will love us and forgive us and cherish us regardless of whether or not we choose Him. We are also created in the image of God with intellect, will, and emotion. However, our emotions are flawed. Satan preys on these flawed emotions. While God does allow Satan to tempt us and while God doesn't demand certain responses from us, He does give us His Word full of Truth and His character that never changes. He has revealed Himself to us; we have the opportunity to get to know Him for Who He is and then to cling to that knowledge. So God ultimately does protect us from the onslaughts of Satan. We just too often believe our emotions are more powerful than God. 1 John 3:20 says that God is greater than our hearts and knows everything. 1 John 4:4 says that God is greater than Satan. So there you have it: Ultimately God is greater than Satan and our hearts...we just have to choose to believe that when we feel otherwise. He has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind (1 Timothy 1:7). You can take that to the bank. 

2. God is the only One Who sees the end from the beginning. God is the only One Who knows absolutely everything. God is the only One. Why does He say no and sometimes perpetuate our pain? Cause He knows. He knows more than me. He knows more than I will ever want to know. He Knows. Again, I have to really ground myself to the Truth of His Word: He will never give me more than I can handle (1 Cor 10:13), He is my faithful and empathetic High Priest Who gets it (Hebrews 4), He will never forsake me or leave me defenseless (Psalm 141). Ultimately, I have to realize that Proverbs 3:5-8 is more than just a nice verse to hang on my wall at home. It is a lifeline. Trust in the Lord. Don't lean on my own understanding. Don't be wise in my own eyes. In all my ways, acknowledge Him...notice this doesn't say I "feel" Him...I acknowledge...acknowledge He is there, He is powerful, He is gracious, He is good, He is loving, He is present, He is safety. He will direct my paths and I will be healed. Where does healing come from? Trusting in Him.

I leave you with a question Stasi Eldredge asks in Captivating:

Is God worthy of our trust?

1 Peter 3:6: Don't give way to fear. Put your hope in God.

Yes, my friend, He is worthy. Cling to Him.

Jesus Loves Judas.

Approval and Acceptance. Many people think they know what these two words mean and therefore how to apply them…but they are sorely mistaken.

I am so burdened by how we as believers treat our brothers and sisters in Christ who sin, or maybe who don’t even sin but have different preferences than us (A preference is something you would prefer to do or not to do, but it is not a life or death issue. Please tell me you wouldn’t choose to die if someone held a gun to your head and asked you to have a sip of wine). That’s were our approval and acceptance begins: with our preferences. If someone has the same preferences as us, we approve of their beliefs and behavior and we accept them. If we disagree with his/her preferences, we make our disapproval VERY clear and even withhold our acceptance (most people would never admit to this, but it is happening over and over again…especially in ministry homes). Our paranoia of sin has caused us to overreact and to alienate ourselves from people who don’t have the same preferences as us, even if “those people” are our own children. We want to make it clear that we don’t agree with what the other person is choosing to do (manipulation), because we are afraid that this particular thing could lead to other issues (this “thing” could be drinking, dating, tattoos, piercings, etc).  In order to make our disapproval clear, we first confront the person. If he/she doesn’t “repent” (and I use that word loosely because, while yes, some have sinned and need to repent, others are simply choosing to do certain things that are not forbidden by Scripture), then the disapproving person goes to the next level: Shunning. This shunning could be little to no communication or just obvious signs that the disapprover is upset and not willing to restore the relationship. Unfortunately, the shunned feels the lack of approval and ultimately lack of acceptance. We call this rejection. And rejection does crazy things to people. Rejection can lead to the “issues” that the disapproving person was trying to keep the shunned from in the first place. So in essence, the disapproving person, through choices of his/her own, has really been the catalyst of the shunned to make sinful choices.

Please understand I am not trying to pass the blame. We as individual people make our own decisions. We are responsible for the choices we make and no one else. However, does that mean that our choices are not ever spurred on by an outside force? No.

We all have unhealed hurts, unresolved issues, and unmet needs that we try to heal, resolve and meet. Sadly, we often self-medicate and turn to alternative methods (sin) to do so. Many times, these hurts, issues and needs come at the hands of someone we have disappointed. The disappointment was communicated in the form of rejection. And rejection wounds deeply.

Jesus NEVER manipulated people with rejection (that is ultimately what rejection is: manipulation). I was thinking about that this morning. Read John 4. Look how he interacted with the Samaritan woman who wasn’t just living with different preferences than Jesus, she was living in sin. And what does He do? Well, look at how she responds to Him. She so senses his love and forgiveness she runs into the town and unashamedly says, “Come and meet the man who has told me everything I have ever done!” Wow! That is some real freedom. Now, Jesus does confront her sin. Obviously. But, he loves her in spite of her sin, and treats her kindly and with respect, never allowing her to feel rejected. She knows what she is doing is wrong; she doesn’t need a sermon on her decision making. That is why Jesus doesn’t even touch on her lifestyle until she brings it up. He addresses her heart: The fact that she needed some serious spiritual and emotional healing. She didn’t need to be shunned to figure out that she was wrong. She knew that. She needed loving correction and that is what Jesus was about. LOVING. Teaching. Not rejection. Not yelling. Not shunning. There is a difference.

Then, think about the fact that Jesus, Who is God and omniscient, asked JUDAS ISCARIOT to be His disciple. He knew Judas was a traitor. He knew Judas would willingly be possessed by Satan. And yet, He still wanted Judas on His team. He never treated Judas differently, even when He knew Judas was stealing money from the poor while a disciple (John 12:4-8). Here is the ironic thing: Jesus NEVER confronted Judas on the stealing. He did prophesy that Judas would betray Him, but none of the other disciples put two and two together. The implication is Jesus NEVER treated Judas differently. The other disciples had no idea. WOW.

Please catch my drift. Confront sin. But love. Be gracious. If a brother or sister in Christ is in sin, don’t disown him/her and don’t make your actions and your statements communicate rejection. Please, be Jesus to your brothers and sisters in Christ. Don’t be a catalyst for self-medication.

Honk, I'm 80!

So, I wanted to add a "Part 2" to the "Loving Jesus, Hating Self" blog from yesterday. This morning, I was taking myself and my circumstances way too seriously. I was really struggling and battling with some things and "trying" to give them over to the Lord in prayer (however, that looked more like me running through the grocery list of everything that is wrong and not focusing on Who God is). I went outside to get into my car to drive to work, and low and behold, I am the object of either a miscommunication or a practical joke. Either way, as I was driving to school hoping no one would honk and/or I wouldn't end up at a red light next to a student, I realized God was teaching me something. I can't take myself too seriously. I need to enjoy life and laugh. I need to relax. He is in control of all of my circumstances, even this one. He wants me to rest in His defense and sovereignty. His love casts out all fear (Psalm 84, 141, 1 John 4).

How does this relate to yesterday's blog? Well, if we are not comfortable with who we are, we live in fear. Fear that we aren't good enough; fear that we will be found out; fear that someone will reject us and confirm what we already think we know about ourselves. Fear that God isn't going to take care of us; fear that somehow we are in control of our lives and everything that happens is up to us (that is where I was this morning). Fear.

And 1 Peter 3:6 states emphatically: "Do not give way to fear."

How is that possible? How is it possible to not fear and to be comfortable in my own skin and to love who I am? (This is why this blog should have come before yesterday's blog. Oh well.)

Simple. Remember this line: 

"God values you as much as He values Jesus. You are a part of the family of God." Yeah, that's how. You realize that ultimately God determines how much you are worth. He determines your value. And 2000 years ago, He said you were worth Deity: His Son. You have as much worth, value, acceptance as Jesus Christ does with God. You have His righteousness. You have his record: Past, present, future. You have his perfection. You are Jesus in God's eyes. Galatians 2:20 says, "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me." In other words, does Jesus have self-esteem issues? Um, no. So, because He is in you and you have His value and worth, neither should you. Easier said than done. Just start dwelling on these truths. Would you ever knock Jesus and think poorly of Him and His personality? No. He is in you. You have His mind (Phil 2). Does Jesus have to prove Himself to God and to others? No. You have His Spirit. You are His. He is yours...He is your Defender. He will not leave you defenseless (Psalm 141:8).

Rest in Him and relax with you. You are His.

Loving Jesus Means Hating Myself, Right?

No. In fact, the godliest thing you can do is to love yourself (shocking, but keep reading - I explain what I mean further down). However, we have been taught that true humility means not loving ourselves and we view self-esteem as a humanistic worldview issue. Hence, we (some of our churches and ministries) have produced a number of individuals who link their value to how well they follow the rules and the subsequent praise and reassurance they receive as a result. Think about that for a second. We are communicating that a person's worth is based on what they do, not on who they are. Isn't that completely contrary to the message of the Gospel?

You see, legalism, or religious rule following, has produced a number of fear induced, highly insecure, emotionally unhealthy people. They have never been taught to get to know and to like themselves; they have been afraid to explore who they really are (warning: I mean this word healthily – getting to know their own likes/dislikes, etc). They have not been praised for thinking and being their own persons, but for staying in bounds.

A note on legalism: Legalism is a control issue. Legalists want control and are happy with you when you listen and do what they say. They are unhappy with you when you don’t listen and do what they say. They control you by manipulatively and subconsciously attaching your self worth with their acceptance and approval. However, they only approve when you perform appropriately. Hence, they disapprove and you feel unacceptable when you don’t perform appropriately. So, you are conditioned to do what is asked and never to become your own person. You begin to believe that your value is dependent on what you do, not on who you are (or what Jesus Christ thinks of you). Harsh, but true. 

What if you have no idea what “legalism” means and did not grow up in a ministry and/or religious home? Well, were you constantly compared to an older, very successful sibling? Did your parents have exceptional standards for you to live up to in the area of athletics, drama, art, music, academics, looks, and friends? If so, then in essence, your parents only acted like they loved you and therefore praised you when you achieved THEIR standards of approval. Legalism.

Now you are an adult and don’t know who you really are, what to really think (not to mention how to think), and you have very few emotionally healthy relationships. You don't value yourself because you don't understand how much you are valued...by God. You are looking for verification from everything and everyone else. You want to know you are okay because you don't feel okay. And you are...because of Jesus Christ and His grace.

God values you as much as He values Jesus. You are a part of the family of God.  Why would you want to spit in His face by disliking yourself – the very person HE made in an incredibly intimate, detailed way?
Why are you trying to prove that you are worthy of His love and everyone else's acceptance? Ultimately, deep down, you are afraid you are not good enough. Psalm 139 says you are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” Furthermore, you are “to love your neighbor as yourself” according to Mark 12:31. In fact, loving your neighbor as yourself is the second greatest commandment (per Jesus)! Honestly, most of us do apply this verse to our daily lives, however unbiblically. We don’t like ourselves, so we don’t like anyone else, or very few people. Have you ever thought of that? You may be struggling relationally because you don’t like yourself. So, if someone treats you well and likes you, you are reassured you are okay and you like yourself. Moreover, you are desperate for a “following”, a clone system, because if people are just like you, then your worth is confirmed. Hence, we have thwarted the definition of discipleship to fill our own emotionally unhealthy needs.

If someone doesn’t’ like you, you feel horrible about yourself and have a pity-party (and those look different for everybody: sarcastic cynicism, anger, resentment, blame, etc). You write the person off and never give the opportunity for restitution.

The healthiest thing you can do is to love yourself – and let me clarify what I mean: Realize you have value and are valued by the God of the Universe. He equates you to His Son. Pretty powerful stuff, huh? You don't need people to reassure you that you are okay. You don't need praise to pump you up with confidence. You are self-assured because the Holy Self (the Holy Spirit) lives in you. You have Christ's life!

Practically, keep a list of those things you like and dislike. Take care of your body and glorify God for how you look and feel. Appreciate your quirks – don’t take yourself seriously. I don’t mean be critically humorous, but enjoy yourself. As you are sure of who you are, you will not waste energy trying to protect and prove yourself. You will be able to love others biblically: Regardless of how they love you, because you are resting in the unconditional, unmerited love of God for you.

Judgment

I stood before the Judge and plead my case -

I really didn’t have a substantial excuse.

I just didn’t want to live with my past mistakes -

But as I looked into His eyes, His blank stare left me confused.

The Prosecuting Attorney, The Adversary, he was named -

Shot me a smug grin as he approached the bench.

His rebuttals discredited everything I claimed –

It was at that moment that I grasped I was in his clutch.

Desperate, I tried to scream above his hateful accusations.

“I am sorry Judge, I know what I deserve –

I understand I am not good enough for Salvation…

But please, let me be good enough to recompense serve.”

“Ha!” The Adversary exclaimed –

“This woman is insane to make such a request.”

Then he stared me in the eye and growled the following proclamation:

“She deserves nothing less than a life sentence!”

I shamefully hung my head in hopeless submission.

               

                He was right.

But then the Courthouse door flew open.

The Adversary gawked at the One who approached.

This One was not supposed to be alive, and His scars were His token

Of an attempted death penalty revoked.

You see, the Adversary knew that if this Man were killed,

The Adversary would always have the victory over violators like me.

He never considered a resurrection possible-

Until he saw the Advocate standing proudly next to me.

“I paid her life sentence when I died 2000 years ago.

Her penance is paid in full, therefore –

The accusations are null and void,

And the guilt and shame are no longer hers to bear.”

“If You, Judge, decide to make her pay,

Then You will be a violator of the Law -

Whose demands cease when penance is made,

Which is what I did when I died on the cross.”

The Adversary threw up his hands and yelled,

“Dead! Dead! This sinner shouldn’t get a second chance!”
But the Advocate shot him a look that could send him straight to Hell,

“I am alive and I have chosen her and not a consequence.”

The Adversary charged the Advocate

But the Judge ordered the Adversary removed.

You see, the Judge administers justice,

And the scars on the Advocate were justice proved.

I turned my tear stained face toward my Advocate Redeemer,

He looked at me with eyes full of love and grace,

The Judge slammed down the gavel,

And declared me innocent because of the One Who stood in my place.

Bikinis in Church

A Tribute to My Husband and My Church

I did not grow up as a PK (Pastor’s Kid)…so I had no idea what “church politics” was all about until I entered the “church world” as a PW (Pastor’s Wife). My husband launched CC (Centerpoint Church) as an “alternative to church as usual”. Bryant’s dream was to create a church based solely on Jesus Christ and to remove all the distractions that have hurt, hindered, and kept people from church. In other words, he wanted a New Testament Church (read Acts). The New Testament Church was originated as a vehicle to carry the Great Commission. Somehow in the last 2000 years, we have downgraded the church to merely address our own preferences. Bryant didn’t want to strangle the message of Jesus Christ with ageless traditions that have nothing to do with the Bible. We have 60,000 unreached, unchurched people in our Brandon area and far too many churches that are more concerned with keeping “their people” happy than getting their hands dirty with the ministry Jesus modeled.

I had a conversation about my church. I was explaining how we are very simple with what we do: Preach the Gospel. I explained that we try to keep our environment relaxed so that people feel safe while hearing straightforward Truth. One of the ways we do that is by not having a standard church dress code. The rebuttal blew me away: “Yes, well, you need to make sure that you teach modesty and that people, after they get saved, know what God’s Word says and how to live it. You don’t want people coming to church in bikinis.” Wow. I really do understand where this response came from: A heart that has been seared by legalistic fundamentalism (the individual even admitted to that). Legalists have been preaching the Gospel of rules: Making the rules clear is more important than making Grace clear, because, what would happen, God forbid, if someone takes grace as far as to think a bikini is okay in church? I am not coming down on the person; however, I am calling out what we have been taught to be concerned about by the legalists. I mean, I explained what we are about, the Gospel, and I find out that the main concern is that we make sure no one comes into church with a bikini? I sincerely doubt no one in their right mind would come to church in a bikini. But then, I am new to all of this so you may soon see a blog entitled “The Day I Saw a Bikini At Church”.

Have we forgotten that the purpose of the church was to care for the orphans, the widows, the homeless, the prostitutes, the druggies, the religious people, the young, the old, the forgotten, the betrayed, the sick, the hurting? Have we let clothing, carpet color, age, service times, and music, all preferences, keep us from the timeless message of the Gospel and the Great Commission? We need a wake-up call…Church isn’t about me – it’s about Jesus…and last time I checked, Jesus was about Grace…and grace is about loving the undeserving…because isn’t that all of us?

I am so thankful for Centerpoint Church, a group of people who have given sacrificially of their time, money, and resources. They have laid aside their personal preferences in order to accomplish the Great Commission (reach the 60,000 unchurched people in our area). As a result, people are getting saved every week; lives are being changed every week. Marriages are being restored, dads are leading families, teenagers are confessing secret sins, single moms are finding healing.

CCers are some of my favorite people. I love you guys!

www.centerpointfl.org