Just Say No

Just say no. It’s a timeless adage. We all know the phrase. We say it often. But we don’t live it. We can’t. If we did, wouldn’t we be bored, alone, ignored, worthless, useless?

That’s dramatic, you may be thinking. And I would agree with you. But seriously, then...why don’t we just say no? 

I was watching a Webinar (that is literally the dorkiest word I have ever heard) and the speaker challenged us to write down a list of our priorities. So here are mine:

1. My relationship with the Lord.
2. My relationship with my Husband.
3. My relationship with my children (notice I said “relationship” and not “being a mom to”...there’s a difference to me).
4. My relationship with myself (rest, exercise, Sabbath, writing, etc).
5. My relationships with my extended family and closest friends (those friends that disciple me, mentor me, keep me accountable, pray for me, cry with me, laugh with me).
6. My ministries: Ladies Fall Brunch and Kids Point.

Then, she encouraged us to jot down our obligations. So, here we go again (these aren’t necessarily in order).

1. Serving my husband.
2. Taking care of my daughter.
3. Managing our home (cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry).
4. Blogging.
5. Exercising.
6. Leading Kids Point Program.
7. Leading the Ladies Brunch.

The speaker told us that if our obligations are not lining up with our priorities, something is off and we are saying “yes” to all the wrong things/people.

Now, you will notice two things are missing in my “Obligations” list.

1. My relationship with the Lord.
2. My relationships with close friends and family.

Yikes. So, relationally, I am off. Notice, I am not talking about surface level relationships (a blog on friendships is sure to come). But those deep, gut level relationships that sharpen me and keep me on track. Those people that know my insides, the insides I don’t really want everyone seeing. Additionally, I am majorly off in my relationship with the Lord. Seems like everything else and everyone else is vying for my attention. That’s why so often I feel torn in 50 million directions and on the borderline of an anxiety attack. He’s not my first priority. So how in the world will my other priorities line up and my obligations fit appropriately? When He’s not invited into my everyday life, I am going to face situations that I can’t and won’t be able to handle. I am going to bite off more than I can chew because He is not going to be the One I am seeking to please. Everyone else is. And that’s a form of bondage I just can’t afford right now.

So, I have to rearrange my life and make sure He doesn’t just fit, He’s it. He’s the One I am living for...seeking to please…

How do I do that practically? Well, what specifically has HE called me to RIGHT now?

- Being His daughter (Biblical community and accountability is a part of this)
- Being a Wife
- Being a Mom

- Living in Community (my accountability partners)

- Serving Him creatively (Brunch and Kids Point)

These are mandates in Scripture. So, I do them all for Him. I serve Bryant for Jesus. I love Brooke for Jesus. I minister to others for Jesus. And when someone asks me to do something that will compete with one of those three major callings, I say no.

Now here’s the hard part: I need to learn to say no without feeling like I have to explain myself. Ouch. I like to talk. I like to explain. I like to make sure everyone likes me. So this is a hard thing for me to learn. But I have to. Otherwise, I will exhaust myself and I will inevitably and unintentionally communicate to someone else that they just aren’t as valuable to me as what I am doing instead (adapted from the webinar - ha). It’s tough. But, if I am finding my identity in Jesus Christ, I won’t be basing my self esteem on what others think of me and whether or not I am meeting everyone else’s expectations. I will only be concerned what Jesus Christ thinks...and last time I checked, He thinks I’m pretty awesome.