January 13, 2015

11:45 AM

Ya'll, I am currently sitting here in grey (stained) sweatpants, an orange sweatshirt, messy hair, un-brushed (I don't think that's even a word) teeth, and no make-up. And it's 11:45 AM. I am a Cosmo Magazine cover waiting to happen.

I'm just tired. Mommas, can I get an Amen? My alarm clock this morning was a sweet (I guess "sweet" may still be up for debate) voice yelling "MOMMY!" through the entire house. Granted we have a town-home, but you know. From there, we hit the ground running, folks. It was breakfast for the littles, a mess, potty training, a mess, play time, a mess, lunch, a mess, and now nap-time. I have laundry piled sky-high on our bed, crumbs all over the floor, and a sink full of dishes. I could maybe ignore some of this, but I'm OCD. So that ain't happenin'.

Plus, I love to work-out. But lesbihonest (who doesn't love Pitch Perfect?), I am just worn out. And it's 11:45 AM.

I still have a Doctor's appointment for Ryder, grocery shopping, and dinner ahead. I have really battled discouragement due to just feeling plain exhausted and overwhelmed.

So while I was giving my youngest his nap-time bottle, I felt Jesus whisper sweetly to me. (Side note - Don't you think Jesus speaks a little more frequently to us Mommas? Seriously though - I never heard Jesus's voice as much as I do now. Maybe that's just because I am oh, so much more desperate for Him.) He just asked me whose agenda, task list, standards am I trying to live up to? Am I trying to prove myself to someone? Why do I insist on a perfectly clean house 100% of the time? Why do I worry about my weight? Why can't I ever relax? Truly rest?

Every day, I try to prove myself. It's something God is still working to free me from. That's why my word for this year is "FREEDOM". I don't want to feel like I have to prove myself to anyone or even to myself anymore. What is honestly going to happen if the floors don't get vacuumed or the laundry doesn't get put away or I skip my workout for the day? These are all good things - but they can easily because selfish things when they steal my joy and keep me from loving my family and people.

God, free me up. I want to see life as You see life. Give me a peace today and help me accomplish what You deem is important: Loving well.

January 12, 2015


“For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world through Him might be saved.”

But “people loved darkness rather than the light because their works are evil...lest their works be exposed…”

We fear the light because we know ourselves. Deep down inside we know we actually do stand condemned because we should be condemned. Our own guilt (and let’s be honest, pride) keeps us in bondage and completely unable to accept the grace of God. Here’s the crazy thing: This is exactly a result of the Fall. Satan told Eve that if she ate from the Tree of The Knowledge of Good and Evil, her eyes would be opened and she would see as God sees: Good and evil. That’s why after she ate the fruit, she realized she was naked, exposed, vulnerable. What was beautiful becomes shameful. She feels so guilty; she hides because she doesn’t want her shame exposed. But God never wants to condemn (Just read John 3 - all of it!). He wants to redeem. God is for us

Satan opens our eyes to what should be and not to what actually is. 

Because of the Second Adam, our shame is covered in God’s grace and when He sees us, He sees Jesus. When we finally get this Truth, we can come boldly to the Throne of Grace (Hebrews 4). But not until then. See no one wants to go anywhere naked - exposed. That’s why God had to cover Adam and Eve in animal skins. So they would once again feel comfortable to stand in His Presence. But HE had to do it. When they attempted to cover their shame with fig leaves, they still felt exposed and vulnerable and so continued to hide. 

Don’t we do this same thing? Don’t we attempt to cover our shame with our works, disciplines, church attendances, social media, followers, blame-shifting, you name it? It’s never enough and we are always left striving. Striving for more and at the same time, growing bitter at others (really because we are angry at ourselves). It’s not until we can fully admit our need for a Savior, and not just for Salvation but our day-to-day living, that we feel the relief and the peace of surrendering to Christ’s life as our covering. But we can’t surrender to that until we can honestly claim our need. And we won’t feel our need until we stop pretending - until we can lay down our pride and admit we don’t have it all together. We have been wrong. We need Jesus.