Forgiveness Part 4: It's Unfair.

This is tough stuff...but sooooo crucial to a free and peaceful life. Please know, I am wrestling through this stuff (let's be honest, this crap) with you. It sucks. But, we have to get our hands dirty and "Get 'er done!"So, let's talk through some steps to take if we want to get down and dirty and forgive others. Once again, Swindoll gives us some guidance based on God's Word:

1. "Focus fully on God's forgiveness of you (Psalm 103; Psalm 116)."
"The extent to which you can envision God's forgiveness of you, to that same measure you will be given the capacity to forgive others." If am spending all of my energy praising God and basking in the freedom of His forgiveness and grace for me, I am not going to have any time and emotion left over to be bitter. You are going to get sick and tired of me saying this, but I don't care: You have to preach the Gospel to yourself! Forgiveness seems so unfair until you realize what God did for you through Christ was infinitely unfair.

2. "Deal directly and honestly with any resentment you currently hold against anyone." 

Oh no. "Maybe you are willing to go just so far. You will bargain with God and agree to forgive but not forget." Can I hear an "Amen"?! This is where I live my life. Why can't this be good enough? Because..."That is one of the most regrettable mistakes a Christian can make. Limited forgiveness is like conditional love - a poor substitute for the genuine item. It's no forgiveness at all." Chuck went there. And, I have to meditate on Psalm 103, "As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us." God takes my sin from me...I am not defined by it. Hebrews 10:22 says He even cleans my conscience and my memories of my sin. I don't have to even think about it. How can I not do this for someone else??? Now, let me say something here. When you are dealing with forgiving someone else, let's be straight: You don't have to think about his/her offense and then pretend like it never happen. Nope. Name his/her offense. Realize this person stole something from you. Determine what that is (a childhood, marriage, job, relationship, memory, innocence, virginity, etc). This person owes you something. What is it? Come on...go there. Figure it out. Now, brace yourself. Can he/she ever pay you back fully as though it never happened? Can they? You have to honestly answer this question. Why? Because it ultimately is going to help you. You hang on to the pain because you think it is going to somehow justify what happened. And, you are going to make the other person pay. But neither of those thoughts are true. You can never be paid back and that person's suffering isn't going to do it for you. So, you have to make the mental decision to free the person from what he/she owes you. That doesn't mean you convince yourself that it never happened. No, it did. But you aren't going to hold it against the person anymore and make them pay for it. Make sense? I never said this was going to be easy. Christ's death on the cross certainly wasn't.

"If forgiveness is the process God takes us through to heal inner wounds...then forgetting would be the removal of the ugly scar. And God can even do that."