November 19, 2014

Life is All About Me

So here's the deal - This post is going to be kinda hard to write. But since I process best when I'm writing, I just have no choice but to share this with you. So no judging, k? :)

The past few weeks, I just feel like I'm owed. You know? Like everyone should see just how hard and long I'm working without any complaining (at least no "outward" complaining - but that's good enough sometimes, right?). I am craving being noticed. Complimented. Praised. Loved. Needed. Seen. Sometimes we just pour out everything we have and if we got the kind of reactions we thought we deserved, it wouldn't be so hard. But when we don't, it sucks. And it sucks even more when we realize that this reveals something about our hearts: That it's not about Jesus. It's all about us. Me. Ugh. Smh (it took me FOREVER to figure out what that stood for -"Shaking my head" for those of you who are like me). And God graciously lets me know this is happening by allowing me to have an "out of body" experience and see just how badly I am treating people. Like they are my pawns sent here to serve me. Oh my. This is ugly, isn't it? Is there anyone out there like me? I hope so. I mean, well, you know what I mean!

"Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus..."

Am I practicing the mind of Christ? Life was NEVER about Him. It was NEVER about being noticed or seen. It was ALL about the FATHER and saving me. The me who would try to make life all about her - especially when things weren't going her way. Ouch.

Jesus, help me. Transform my mind. I don't want it conformed to this world anymore. I don't want to live for myself. I want YOU to live through me. Change my heart. Give me Yours. I want to love and serve others the way You love and serve me.