Teen Dating: Teaching Rules or the Gospel?

I was asked to write a blog defining certain terms related to teenage dating. I am a little nervous to address this topic because I am pretty sure that my perspective is going to be very different than most. But, I was asked and this is my blog, so here goes! J

First, the hair stands up on the back of my neck whenever I am asked to “define terms”, because usually the only reason why we want a clear definition is so we can slap it down on someone as a rule. Rules are much easier to delineate to students. Why? Because rules are black and white and safe. However, rules are the reasons our students are flocking away from the church in epidemic numbers. They are sick of being told what to do, especially when what they are told flies in the face of culture and doesn’t make sense.

Now, a little caveat here: If we are living lives according to Scripture, we will be counter-cultural. However, it won’t be because we are following a list of rules. Culture follows rules. Think about it: rules of dress, rules of interaction, rules of business, marriage, buying and selling. Rules are not the answer. An intimate relationship with Jesus Christ is the answer. But we don’t teach that. Why? Because grace is dangerous. If we are more concerned about teaching our students the implications of the fact that Jesus Christ lives inside of them and is their life, then they will make the right decisions in their dating lives, and in every other aspect of their lives for that matter.

However, if you teach grace, your teens may slip up. What do we do? What Jesus did…remind them of the Prodigal Son…God still wants an intimate relationship with them.  God still pursues them. God still accepts them. They are still forgiven, cleansed, and in fellowship with God.

Our students don’t need rules or definitions. They need the Gospel. What is the Gospel? Jesus Christ took our sin and God’s wrath upon Himself. All of our sin: past, present, future. All of God’s wrath. Everything. Jesus Christ paid it all. When I accepted His payment for my sin, the Bible says Christ comes to live inside of me. When God looks at me, He sees Jesus. He sees righteousness, perfection, wholeness. Therefore, it would be unjust of God to be angry with me or to punish me for something that was taken care of 2000 years ago by His Son. More than that, He cannot disown or be out of fellowship with His Son. So, He does not disown or shun me when I sin. He runs to me. He wants me to see that what I chose over Him can never satisfy or love me the way He does. My sin makes Him more attractive.

That is your job as a youth leader: Make Jesus attractive. I can go ahead and tell you right now that as a whole, we are doing a poor job of this. Our rules and lists are suffocating our students. Jesus never suffocated His followers. He loved them. He patiently taught them truth, yes. However, He was gracious when they failed. We need to allow Him to express His life through us so our students get the Gospel.

One more thing: I am not saying not to give guidelines. But, ask yourself this: Am I glorifying rules or Jesus? The answer to that question will tell you everything you need to know.